"WHO SHOT ROGER RABBIT?"
(working title)
Written by
Jeffrey Price and Peter S. Seaman
THIRD DRAFT
September 2, 1986
WHO SHOT ROGER RABBIT?
This movie starts the way all movies should... with a
cartoon. It's not a Disney or a Warner's. It's not a
Fleischer, an MGM, or a Lanz. This is a lesser known
studio.
FADE IN:
ON A "MAROON CARTOON"
Accompanied by zany CARTOON MUSIC, the TITLE CARD reads:
MAROON CARTOONS PRESENT
BABY HERMAN AND ROGER RABBIT
IN
"THE BUNNYSITTER"
Below are two cameos of the cartoon's stars. One picture is
of a cherubic baby in a bonnet innocently posed with his
thumb in his mouth. The other is of a paunchy rabbit with a
gap between his front teeth. He has a loveable, if slightly
shell-shocked look. The cartoon begins...
BABY HERMAN AND ROGER RABBIT
are in a playpen when TWO FEMALE LEGS in high heels walk INTO
FRAME. The VOICE belonging to the legs talks down to Baby
Herman in a maternal coo.
VOICE (O.S.)
Mommy's going to the beauty parlor,
darling. But I'm leaving you with your
favorite friend, Roger. He's going to
take very, very good care of you...
(voice turns
ominous)
... cause if he doesn't, he's going
back to the science lab!
Roger gulps as he watches the legs disappear. We HEAR
FOOTSTEPS recede and a DOOR SLAM. Roger turns confidently
back to his charge. But the little tyke is already squeezing
through the playpen bars.
BABY HERMAN
Baby bye-bye...
Roger makes a dive for him, misses, and gets his head stuck
between the bars. He pleads with the Baby in a voice that
resonates of Huntz Hall in "The Bowery Boys".
ROGER RABBIT
Hey, come back! You heard what your
mother said!
BABY HERMAN
ignores Roger. We FOLLOW HIM as he crawls into the kitchen.
He stops to regard something that has caught his attention...
a cookie jar. It's sitting on top of the refrigerator.
BABY HERMAN
Coo-kie.
ROGER
wearing the playpen like a pillory, comes running toward the
kitchen. But the playpen is too wide to clear the door. The
impact SHATTERING the playpen and sends Roger sprawling
across the kitchen floor. When he looks up...
BABY HERMAN
is swinging precariously on the door of the freeer.
ROGER RABBIT
Hang on, Baby. I'll save you!
Roger makes a desperate leap across the kitchen for the kid.
But Baby Herman swings the door to the freezer open and Roger
disappears inside. Baby Herman grabs a cookie and swings
back, shutting the door. He climbs down and crawls out of
the kitchen. After a beat, the freezer door opens.
ROGER
now shaped like a block of ice, falls out and hits the floor.
The block SHATTERS into ice cubes. Roger looks around,
dazed.
BABY HERMAN
has taken this opportunity to crawl out the window. Roger
races to the window. His eyes pop out of his head at what he
sees.
ROGER'S POV
Baby Herman is crawling along the sidewalk under the shadow
of a safe being hoisted into a second floor window by the
Acme Safe Moving Company. The rope holding the safe is
fraying down to a slender thread.
ROGER
gasps and rockets out the window toward Baby Herman. The
rope snaps. The safe falls. Roger arrives just in time to
pluck the Baby out of harm's way. But not in time to save
himself. The safe CRUNCHES down on his head, burying Roger
into the sidewalk. After a beat, Roger's hand appears and
spins the tumbler. The safe door opens. Inside, we see the
dazed rabbit with little TWEETING BIRDS circling his head.
VOICE (O.S.)
Cut, cut, cut!
The cartoon action stops abruptly, but the goofy CARTOON
MUSIC PLAYS ON. We begin a slow PULL BACK TO REVEAL that
this cartoon is being filmed LIVE ON A SOUND STAGE. The
title card sits on an easle. The female legs are paper
mache' props manipulated by two HUMAN CREW MEMBERS. Wearily,
they lean the legs up against the stage wall. A human
DIRECTOR, wearing a tweed jacket and baggy pleated pants,
steps onto the set. From the equipment and the dress of the
crew, we can tell it's the 1940's. Baby Herman throws his
cookie down in disgust. He talks in a gravelly voice an
octave lower than Wallace Beery's.
BABY HERMAN
What the hell was wrong with that
take??
DIRECTOR
Nothin' with you, Baby Herman. It's on
Roger... again!
(over shoulder)
Hey! Could we lose the playback?
The MUSIC suddenly STOPS as, off to the side, the SOUNDMAN
lifts the needle off a phonograph record. The Director leans
over Roger and angrily plucks one of the birds circling his
head.
DIRECTOR
(continuing)
What's this, Roger?
ROGER RABBIT
(sheepish)
A tweeting bird?
DIRECTOR
That's right, a tweeting bird. But
what does the script say? 'Rabbit gets
conked. Rabbit sees stars!' Not
birds, stars!
BABY HERMAN
Aw, for cryin' out loud, Roger! I'll
be in my trailer... takin' a nap!
Baby Herman pulls himself up to his full height of two feet
and walks off the set. He chooses a route that takes him
under the dress of the SCRIPT GIRL. She jumps as if goosed.
Now two CREW MEMBERS lift the safe off Roger.
ROGER RABBIT
Please, Raoul. I can give you stars,
I know I can. Just drop the safe on my
head one more time.
DIRECTOR
I've already dropped it on you
twenty-three times.
ROGER RABBIT
Don't worry about me. I can take it.
DIRECTOR
I'm not worried about you. I'm worried
about the safe.
CONTINUED PULLBACK.
What we've been seeing has been from the POV of a MAN in a
shiny brown suit standing unobtrusively at the back of the
sound stage. Under a beat-up fedora is a craggy face that's
seen a lot in its life... but apparently didn't think much of
it was funny. EDDIE VALIANT takes a jolt from a pint of
whiskey, evidently in reaction to what he's seen. He opens
his coat and returns the pint bottle to a shoulder holster
which had formerly held a .38. Nerves steadied, he walks out
the stage door.
EXT. MAROON STUDIO - DAY
Valiant emerges from the stage onto a bustling Hollywood
studio lot where CARTOON CHARACTERS (TOONS) and humans are
comingling as if it were the most natural thing in the world.
Valiant stops by an Acme Novelty truck which is unloading
Toon props. There are bombs, rockets, flattened pocket
watches, anvils, giant slingshots, etcetera. The license
plate is California 1946. He fishes out a pack of
Chesterfields and taps out a half a butt that had been
stubbed out. As he lights it, Valiant regards a chubby,
balding man wearing a three-piece suit and a worried
expression coming towards him. He is R.K. MAROON, studio
boss. Maroon is leading an entourage of ASSISTANTS trying to
keep up.
MAROON
Starting tomorrow there'll be no more
roast beef lunches. What happened to
cheese sandwiches? I was raised on
cheese sandwiches.
As the Assistants dutifully record his thoughts, Maroon sees
a GUY taking a nap in the shade of a palm tree.
MAROON
(continuing)
And tell that guy sleepin' over there
he's fired!
ASSISTANT
It's your wife's brother, R.K.
MAROON
(reconsiders)
Oh... tell him he's promoted. But get
him out of my sight.
As the Assistants disperse, Maroon approaches Valiant.
MAROON
Valiant, did you see the rabbit?
VALIANT
He was blowin' his lines, all right.
So what?
MAROON
So what? He's already put me three
weeks behind on the shooting schedule!
Now an EDITH HEAD-TYPE hustles up to show Maroon several
costume designs.
COSTUMER
Your reaction, R.K.?
Maroon quickly checks out the drawing.
MAROON
No! That's not funny.
She flips another drawing.
MAROON
(continuing)
That's funny. Put a homburg on him
it'll even be funnier. Huh, Valiant?
He grabs the pad and shows Valiant. The rendering is of a
hippo in a pink polka-dot tu-tu.
VALIANT
(deadpan)
Yeah, that'd be a riot.
Maroon responds to Valiant's sarcasm with raised eyebrows.
MAROON
Boy, I hope what you have ain't
contagious or I'll be out of business.
He hands the pad back to the designer, who departs.
MAROON
(continuing)
How much do you know about show
business, Valiant?
VALIANT
Only there's no business like it, no
business I know.
Valiant watches an ALLIGATOR in a rebel uniform dragging a
brace of cannons and several TOADSTOOLS parade by.
MAROON
Yeah, and there's no business as
expensive. I'm twenty-five grand over
budget on the latest Bunnysitter
cartoon and it's all because that
rabbit can't keep his mind on his work.
And you know why?
VALIANT
One too many safes dropped on his head?
MAROON
Nah, that goes with the territory.
He's a stunt bunny.
Maroon takes a copy of the "Hollywood Tattler" out of his
pocket.
MAROON
(continuing)
Here's the problem...
(reads)
"Seen cooing over calamari with
notsonew Sugar Daddy was Jessica
Rabbit... wife of Maroon star, Roger".
(looks up)
His wife's a tramp, but he thinks she's
Betty Crocker. The doubt's eatin' him
up.
VALIANT
So what do you want me to do?
MAROON
Get me a couple juicy pictures.
Somethin' I can wise the rabbit up
with.
VALIANT
I don't work in Toontown.
MAROON
You don't have to. The rabbit's wife
sings at an underground Toon revue
joint called The Ink & Paint Club. You
can catch her in action there.
VALIANT
The job's gonna cost you a hundred
bucks.
MAROON
A hundred bucks? That's ridiculous.
VALIANT
So's the job.
Valiant starts to walk away.
MAROON
All right, all right... You got your
hundred bucks.
Maroon turns, snaps his fingers. His Assistant appears out
of nowhere with Maroon's checkbook and a pen. The Assistant
turns and stoops so that Maroon can write the check on his
back.
MAROON
(continuing)
Fifty now, fifty when you deliver the
pictures.
Maroon tears the check off and hands it to Valiant. Suddenly
Valiant ducks in reflex to a large shadow that passes
overhead.
MAROON
(continuing;
chuckles)
Kinda jumpy aren't you, Valiant? It's
just Dumbo.
ABOVE THEIR HEADS - DUMBO
swoops back and forth, then hovers, ears flapping like a
hummingbird.
MAROON
I got him on loan from Disney.
VALIANT
Aren't you the lucky one...
Valiant grabs the check from Maroon and starts for the gate.
MAROON
When will I hear from you?
VALIANT
As soon as is humanly possible.
We FOLLOW Valiant out the gate under a wrought iron sign that
reads "Maroon Cartoon Studios". As he starts across the road
he's almost run over by a Toon roadster that ROARS out of the
gates. When it BLASTS ITS HORN, it's the FIRST FIVE NOTES
from the WOODY WOODPECKER SONG: "HA-HA-HA-HA-HA". Valiant
jumps back as the roadster passes. WOODY THE WOODPECKER'S
behind the wheel with a self-important smile on his face.
Valiant angrily waves the cloud of Toon dust away.
VALIANT
(coughs)
Damn Toons.
ACROSS THE STREET - A TROLLEY CAR
is slowing to a stop in front of the studio. It's a Pacific
and Electric "Red Car", part of a vast system of electric
trollies that once criss-crossed the L.A. Basin. Valiant
steps onto the "Red Car". He reaches into his pocket to give
the CONDUCTOR his nickel fare. But he comes up with a
handful of lint. He holds out the check.
CONDUCTOR
What do I look like, a bank?
The Conductor jerks his thumb toward the door. Valiant
suffers the public humiliation,of having to step down past
the rest of the boarding passengers. He walks around to the
back of the Red Car where a gang of TEN-YEAR-OLDS are
loitering. When the BELL SOUNDS and the Red Car starts to
pull away, the Kids make a dash for a place on the cow
catcher. Valiant joins them. We HOLD as the Red Car moves
away and the street urchins regard their older partner in
crime with curiosity.
DISSOLVE TO:
A BILLBOARD SIGN
It reads: "L.A.'s Pacific and Electric Red Car -- America's
Finest Public Transportation System". PAN DOWN to see that
the sign is on the roof of the trolley terminal. Red Cars
are going in and out of the shed. MOVE IN on one car
approaching the terminal from down the street. As it passes
by...
VALIANT
hops off his freeloader's seat on the back,
KID
So long, mister.
Valiant waves laconically.
VALIANT
Thanks for the cigarettes.
We FOLLOW Valiant as he crosses the street to a seedy
bungalow. A note is push-pinned to the door.
CLOSE - NOTE
It says: "Tomorrow's Friday... Well? Dolores".
VALIANT
takes the note and walks back across the street toward the
terminal. He climbs up a flight of stairs, heading for a bar
on the mezzanine. The bar sports a red neon sign that used
to blink, "The Terminal Station Bar". But now it just says,
"Terminal".
INT. TERMINAL BAR - DAY
The place must have been pretty swanky at the turn of the
century when it was built in the first burst of enthusiasm
over the new public transportation system. It's in the motif
of a trolley car. There's a large map on the wail above the
bar showing all the different lines. Behind the bar is
DOLORES. If you scraped off all the makeup, you'd find an
attractive woman in her late thirties. She ministers to a
rag-tag assortment of Hollywood low-lifes -- who are truly at
the end of the line.
VALIANT
enters this den, lets his eyes adjust for a moment, then
bellies up to the bar. He finds a spot between a ONE-ARMED
BLACK SOLDIER and a MIDGET stretched out on the bar passed
out. Now a TROLLEY RUMBLES underneath them. The bar starts
to shake like an earthquake, the lights flicker. All the
drinkers, observing a time honored ritual, lift their glasses
simultaneously to avoid spilling any drops. Even the Midget
lifts his head until the trolley has passed. Valiant reaches
over the bar and blind-grabs a bottle of rye he obviously
knows is there. He pours himself a shot.
VALIANT
Hey, fellas, what's the good word?
SOLDIER
Lost my job.
An ARTHRITIC COWBOY pipes up.
COWBOY
Mule died.
A DEAF-MUTE scribbles a note on a pad hanging around his
neck. He hands the note to Valiant. It says "My girl dumped
me". Valiant pats him on the back, consoling.
VALIANT
Well, you know what they say about
dames, Augie...
Then Valiant mouths the rest of it for Augie's benefit only.
Augie reads his lips, then starts to roar silently, slapping
his thigh. Now Dolores makes her way down the bar. She
grabs the Midget by the suspenders and slides him out of the
way.
DOLORES
So, makin' dame jokes, huh, Eddie?
Well, lemme remind ya pal, it was a
dame who took a hundred bucks out of
the till so your landlord would't
throw you out of your dump. And it was
a dame who trusted you for the money
when no one else in town would. And
it's a dame who's tired of waitin' for
you to straighten yourself out and get
a job!
VALIANT
Would this be the same dame who's going
to feel awfully foolish when she finds
out I've got her money.
Valiant slides the check across the bar. Dolores studies it.
She calms down a little.
DOLORES
This is fifty bucks. I need
seventy-five before they check the
books tomorrow.
VALIANT
You'll have it in the morning. Now be
a sport and lemme have twenty bucks to
put in my pocket.
DOLORES
Is this paper even good?
VALIANT
Check the scrawl.
DOLORES
(reads)
R.K. Maroon.
Now ANGELO, a Neanderthal sitting a few stools down, is
tapping the shell of a hardboiled egg.
ANGELO
Maroon? Valiant, don't tell me you're
workin' for a Toon? Who's your client?
Chilly Willy or Screwy Squirrel?
Angelo chuckles at his own joke and goes to eat his egg.
Suddenly Valiant darkens. He grabs Angelo by the shirt and
pulls him up to his face.
VALIANT
Get this straight, greaseball. I'm not
workin' for a Toon! I'd never work for
a Toon! Got that?
Valiant jams the whole egg into Angelo's mouth, turns and
storms out the door. Angelo sputters and spits out the egg.
ANGELO
What's his problem?
DOLORES
Toon killed his brother.
EXT. INK & PAINT CLUB - NIGHT
Valiant knocks on the door of, a non-descript building in a
run-down factory area. A speakeasy style peephole slides
open REVEALING the face of a TOON GORILLA. Valiant offers
the password.
VALIANT
Walt sent me.
The peephole slides closed and after a beat the door swings
open.
INT. CLUB
The Gorilla, dressed in a tux, gives Valiant the once over.
Valiant resents the assessment.
VALIANT
Like your monkey suit.
GORILLA
Wise ass...
We FOLLOW Valiant down the hall toward the main room. We can
HEAR LAUGHTER and ZANY MUSIC from within.
INT. MAIN ROOM
When Valiant steps through the doorway, we see the place is
no dive. It's a white tablecloth nightclub on a par with the
El Morroco or the Garden of Allah. Behind the bar A
CATERPILLAR BARTENDER is using his many arms to shake and
pour several drinks at once. Meanwhile a dozen PENGUIN
WAITERS are gliding back and forth along the tables serving
drinks to the well-heeled crowd.
ON STAGE
DONALD DUCK and DAFFY DUCK are seated opposite each other at
matching grand pianos. What begins as a decorous Duck duet
on a Tchaikovsky piece (complete with knuckle-cracking,
seat-spinning preparations) quickly accelerates to a loony
game of one-upsmanship between these two irascible Ducks.
There is keyboard stomping, lid-banging, piano wire plucking
zaniness.
THE AUDIENCE
is HOWLING. People are wiping the tears from their eyes
they're laughing so hard. All except...
VALIANT
He lights a cigarette impassively, not humored by the Toon
hijinx. He spots an empty table off to the side and makes
his way towards it. A SILLY GEEZER in a loud suit is at the
next table. The Geezer nods to him soberly as Valiant pulls
Out the chair and sits down. A LOUD FLATULENCE SOUND erupts
from under Valiant. The Geezer slaps his thigh with the
hilarity of it all.
GEEZER
Will you listen to that? It's a pip!
I'm thinking of callin' it a Whoopee
Cushion.
Valiant reaches under himself and comes up holding a deflated
rubber bladder. The Geezer retrieves it from him.
GEEZER
(continuing)
No hard feelings, I hope. Put 'er
there...
The Geezer grabs Valiant's hand before he can say no. We
HEAR A BUZZ. Valiant retracts his hand as if shocked. The
Geezer howls with laughter and turns his palm to Eddie.
GEEZER
(continuing)
Hand buzzer... real gasser.
Valiant rolls his eyes and grabs a Penguin as it glides by.
VALIANT
Scotch.
PENGUIN
There's a two drink minimum.
VALIANT
Just as long as there's no maximum.
GEEZER
Waiter, I'll sign my check now.
The Penguin puts a bill down on the Geezer's table and zips
off. The Geezer takes a fountain pen out of his jacket and
writes on the bill. But there doesn't seem to be any ink
coming out. He shakes and shakes the pen to get it flowing.
It flows all right. Ink splatters all over Valiant's shirt
and pants. Valiant looks down at the stain, doing a slow
burn. The Geezer starts laughing. Valiant jumps up and
grabs him by the lapels.
VALIANT
That's it for you, pops!
GEEZER
(freaked)
Calm down, son. Look, the ink is gone.
Valiant looks down at his shirt. The stain is gone.
GEEZER
(continuing)
See? It disappears.
VALIANT
Well, why don't you make like the ink?
Valiant drops him into his chair and returns to his seat.
The Penguin glides up with his drinks. Valiant swallows the
first one with one quick jerk of the head.
ON STAGE
Donald and Daffy's PIANO COMPETITION has reached a CRESCENDO
of mayhem. They've got the axes out, and in time with the
MUSIC they reduce their pianos to matchsticks. At the
completion of the piece, they step to the front of the stage
and with great decorum, arms around each other, they take
their bows. The curtain comes down to GREAT APPLAUSE. We
HEAR SFX of CRASHING AND BASHING backstage. Now from behind
Valiant, we HEAR a familiar high-pitched VOICE.
CIGARETTE GIRL
Cigars... cigarettes... Eddie?
Valiant turns to see BETTY BOOP standing with a box of
tobacco wares strapped around her neck. In contrast to all
the other Toons, Betty's in black and white.
BETTY BOOP
(continuing)
Gee, it's swell to see you, Eddie. We
miss you in Toontown.
VALIANT
Wish I could say the same. What're you
doin' here, Betty?
BETTY BOOP
Work's been slow for me since the
cartoons went to color. But I still
got it, Eddie...
(sings)
'Boop boop be-doop'.
VALIANT
Yeah, you still got it, Betty.
(indicates
Geezer)
Who's Mr. Jocularity?
BETTY BOOP
(leans in)
That's Marvin Acme, the gag king.
VALIANT
Shoulda guessed.
BETTY BOOP
He comes here every night to see
Jessica Rabbit.
VALIANT
Big on the musical comedy, huh?
BETTY BOOP
Sounds like you ve never seen her,
Eddie.
Now the lights dim and Betty moves on.
ON STAGE
the dour DROOPY walks out with the spotlight following him.
He's the evening's emcee.
DROOPY
(deadpan)
Hello, everybody. I hope you're all
having as much fun as I am. I have a
small announcement to make. Jessica
Rabbit will not be able to sing
tonight.
There's a ROAR OF DISAPPROVAL from the men in the crowd.
They shower him with debris.
DROOPY
(continuing;
deadpan)
I was merely jesting. Without further
ado... here's woman times two,
Toontown's own chanteuse par
excellance... Jessica Rabbit!
There is excited APPLAUSE as the lights dim. A TOON COMBO
made up of CROWS in shades STRIKES UP the intro to the smokey
song, "Why Don't You Do Right". A spotlight hits the
curtain. Now a curvaceous leg pokes out, teasingly. The
crowd goes wild as the rest of the body belonging to the leg
emerges. JESSICA RABBIT is a generously endowed red-headed
bombshell. She's a humanoid Toon... in her case, more
beautiful than human. Her figure is testimony to what a guy
can do with a pencil and a fertile imagination,
REACTION - VALIANT
This is not quite the bunny he expected Roger to be married
to. His jaw drops. And his reaction is mirrored all around
the room. The men are panting so hard you couldn't keep a
match lit.
CLOSEUP - JESSICA
as she steps to the mike.
JESSICA RABBIT
(sings)
'You had plenty of money back
in '22
You let other woman make a fool
of you
Why don't you do right.
Like some other men do...
Get out of here and
Get me the money too...'
Jessica takes the mike and comes off the stage. Slinkily.
she wanders among the tables, teasing the men as she goes.
Now there's a HOWL from behind Valiant. A Tex Avery type
TOON WOLF, who came masquerading as a human, couldn't help
but show his true colors at the sight of Jessica. He HOWLS
as if it were a full moon. His tongue rolls out of his head
and piles up on the floor like so much clothesline. His
eyeballs telescope out of his head. And finally, the Wolf
levitates and snaps rigid like an open jacknife. As the Wolf
makes a rush for the stage, the Gorilla Bouncer grabs him by
the suspenders. The Wolf, legs spinning madly, practically
knocks Valiant's table over as he grabs at Jessica. But the
Wolf has come to the end of his suspenders. He snaps back
toward the Gorilla who is holding an anvil in front of the
suspenders. CLANG! The Wolf hits the anvil and slides to
the floor. The Gorilla calmly whisks him into a dustpan and
carries him out.
JESSICA
like all good saloon singers, has continued her act
undaunted.
JESSICA RABBIT
(singing)
'Why don't you do right.
Like some other men do...'
She sashays over to the Geezer's table. Teasingly, she
swirls the whisps of white hair onto his head into a Dairy
Queen. He giggles gleefully and makes a grab at Jessica.
But she slips out of his grasp like mercury.
JESSICA RABBIT
(continuing)
'You ain't got no money
Ain't got no use for you...'
Now Jessica works her way over to Eddie. She stops at his
table and sings tauntingly. Then with a flourish, she throws
herself in his lap, and belts out the finale.
JESSICA RABBIT
(continuing)
'So get out of here...
And get me the money toooo!'
There is RAUCOUS APPLAUSE when she finishes. Jessica looks
deep into Eddie's eyes.
JESSICA RABBIT
(continuing)
Thanks for your lap.
Before Eddie can reply, she jumps off, and slinks offstage,
leaving Eddie a pile of human wreckage. Valiant slugs the
rest of his drink down to put out the fire in his libido.
When the lights come up, Valiant looks over to where Acme is
slicking down his eyebrows and patting his hair down. He
stands, picks up a bouquet of roses from the chair beside
him, and as he passes Valiant's table, gives him a big wink.
Valiant watches Acme disappear backstage. He stands, drops
a couple bucks on the table, and follows after him.
BACKSTAGE
Valiant steps past the curtain, keeping a discreet distance.
He follows Marvin Acme down a corridor and around the corner.
Acme stops and knocks on a dressing room door. After a
moment, it opens and Acme goes inside. Valiant checks over
his shoulder, but the backstage area is empty. He eases over
to the door and puts his eye to the keyhole.
POV THROUGH KEYHOLE
Jessica is seated at her dressing table. Acme is on his
knees next to her, kissing his way up her gloved hand, eyes
closed in ecstasy. Jessica takes her hand out of the glove
and starts combing her hair, leaving Marvin kissing a
suspended Toon glove.
ANGLE ON VALIANT
while he continues his peeping. The Gorilla bouncer sneaks
up behind him.
GORILLA
Hey, whaddaya think you're doin',
chump?
VALIANT
Who're you callin' chump, chimp?
The Gorilla smiles sadistically when he recognizes Valiant.
GORILLA
Oh, it's da comedian...
The Gorilla grabs Valiant by the belt and lifts him off the
ground. He opens the fire door and heaves Valiant out.
EXT. ALLEY - NIGHT
Valiant comes flying out the door and CRASHES into a bunch of
garbage cans in the alley. The Gorilla stands in the doorvay
regarding the dazed Valiant.
GORILLA
And don't lemme catch your peepin' face
around here again. Got it?
VALIANT
Ooga-booga.
The Gorilla slams the door. Valiant picks himself up out of
the garbage. He brushes himself off, then starts down the
alley toward the rear of the building. We FOLLOW him around
the corner where he stops under Jessica's dressing room
window. He drags over a milk crate to stand on, takes a
small camera out of his pocket and opens the bellows. He
stands on the crate and aims the camera through the corner of
the window, as we HEAR the MUFFLED CONVERSATION from within.
ACME (O.S.)
Are we going to play pattycake tonight?
JESSICA RABBIT (0.5.)
Marvin, I have a headache...
ACME (O.S.)
(hurt)
But you promised...
JESSICA RABBIT (O.S.)
Oh, all right. But this time take that
hand buzzer off...
Valiant's eyes widen in disgust.
VALIANT
Jesus Christ...
As he starts CLICKING pictures...
CUT TO:
EXT. MAROON STUDIO - LATE NIGHT
There's one light on in the Administration building.
INT. MAROON'S OFFICE - NIGHT
It's a large art deco office with walls covered with photos
of Maroon and various celebrities, human and Toon. R.K.
Maroon is seated behind his desk. Standing nearby is
Valiant. They are both regarding a hysterical Roger Rabbit,
who's holding a set of 8 x lO glossies. He's WAILING and
CRYING, Toon tears flooding off him in a torrent.
ROGER RABBIT
Pattycake! Pattycake!
VALIANT
Baker's man... but no use ruinin' a
good pair of shoes over it.
ANGLE ON RUG
Roger's tears have formed a puddle around the desk. Valiant
lifts a well-worn oxford and shakes the water off it.
MAROON
hands Roger his handkerchief. Roger AAH-OO-GA'S his nose.
MAROON
Take comfort, son, you're not the first
man whose wife played pattycake on him.
ROGER RABBIT
I don't believe it. I won't believe
it.
MAROON
The pictures don't lie. Mr. Valiant
here took them himself.
Roger takes another look at the pictures.
CLOSE - PHOTOS
They're shots of Jessica Rabbit and Marvin Acme seated knee
to knee, caught in the act of slapping palms... really
playing pattycake.
BACK TO SCENE
Maroon gets up and crosses to a bar table set up by the
window. He pours a drink from a crystal decanter as Roger
starts sobbing again.
ROGER RABBIT
But Jessy... she's the light of my
life, the apple of my eye, the cream in
my coffee...
Valiant eyes the booze longingly as he mutters to himself.
VALIANT
Well, you better start thinkin' about
drinkin' it black.
MAROON
Frankly, I'm shocked. Marvin Acme's
been my friend and neighbor for thirty
years.
Maroon gestures out the window. We see a blinking neon sign
on the roof of the building across the street -- "Acme - If
It's Acme - It's A Gasser!"
MAROON
(continuing)
Who would have thought he was the Sugar
Daddy?
Maroon turns and carries the drink to Roger. Meanwhile,
Valiant sidles over to the bar to help himself.
MAROON
(continuing)
Well, the important thing now Roger, is
to put all this behind you.
(hands him
drink)
Drink this, son, you'll feel better.
Roger takes the glass and shoots it down in one gulp.
MAROON
(continuing)
I know this all seems painful now, but
you'll find someone new. Won't he, Mr,
Valiant?
Eddie has just picked up the decanter to pour one for
himself.
VALIANT
(over shoulder)
Oh, yeah. Good lookin' guy like him.
Dames'll be breakin' his door down.
CLOSE - ROGER
The booze is taking its effect. There's a RUMBLE like a
volcano about to erupt. Suddenly Roger's head turns into a
Toon steam whistle SHRIEKING. The HIGH PITCH causes glass
objects in the room to SHATTER... including the crystal
decanter that Valiant's holding in his hand. It EXPLODES,
soaking his suit with booze. Valiant looks down at the
damage, completely exasperated.
VALIANT
Son-of-a-bitch...
(turns)
Mr. Maroon, I think I'll be goin' now,
so about the rest of my fee...
MAROON
Sure, Valiant, sure...
Maroon sits at the desk and writes a check.
MAROON
Being experienced in these matrimonial
matters, you have any advice for our
friend here?
Valiant crosses to the desk and takes the check.
VALIANT
My advice? Hop on over to Reno, get
yourself a quickie divorce.
ROGER RABBIT
Divorce? Never!
Suddenly Roger jumps onto Maroon's desk and grabs Valiant by
the lapels.
ROGER RABBIT
Marriage is a two-way street and we're
just experiencing a detour! Jessica
and I are going to get back together.
We're going to be happy! H-A-P-P-I!
Roger zips off the desk and CRASHES out the window, leaving a
rabbit outline in the glass... backlit by the blinking Acme
sign. Maroon and Valiant walk to the window and look out the
rabbit-shaped hole in the window.
VALIANT
At least he took it well.
INT. VALIANT'S BUNGALOW - CLOSE - EMPTY BOOZE BOTTLE - EARLY
MORNING
PULL BACK TO REVEAL the bottle's on the floor next to the
couch Valiant's passed out on. He's still dressed in his
clothes. PAN the small studio apartment. In the
kitchen/alcove, Valiant has created a makeshift darkroom. We
see a curtain on a clothesline. Various trays, and some
pictures clipped up on clothespins. The pictures depict
Jessica Rabbit and Marvin Acme in various states of
pattycake. Now there is LOUD POUNDING on the door. But it
doesn't break through VaLiant's subconscious for several
seconds. Finally, he rouses, gets up and walks a crooked
line to the door. Valiant opens it and squints into the
excruciating sunlight. When his eyes focus, REVEAL a
hang-dog POLICE DETECTIVE holding Eddie's morning paper.
VALIANT
Lieutenant Santino... how ya doin'?
Santino ignores the question and regards Valiant with a
mixture of disgust and pity.
LT. SANTINO
Tell me you didn't do a snoop job for
a Toon named Roger the Rabbit.
VALIANT
That's what you woke me up for?
Santino flops open the morning paper. Valiant's eyes narrow
as he reads it. The headline screams: "TOON KILLS MAN!" And
underneath: "Marvin Acme Murdered at the Hands of Jealous
Rabbit". Santino throws the paper on the sofa.
LT. SANTINO
You got trouble, Eddie.
EXT. ACME FACTORY - DAY
An L.A. police car turns into the yard of the Acme factory
and pulls up in front of the old factory building. There's
all kinds of official activity in the yard... cop cars, a
Coroner's truck, etcetera.
Valiant and Santino get out of the police car. Santino
starts into the factory. But he realizes Valiant's not
following him. He turns to see Valiant looking over the wall
behind the factory, transfixed.
LT. SANTINO
Now what?
VALIANT
Just haven't been this close to
Toontown for awhile.
VALIANT'S POV
The sky above the wall is a different color, a little bit
more vibrant, a "Toon Blue", you might call it.
SANTINO
walks back and takes Valiant's arm.
LT. SANTINO
Let's go, somebody wants to see you.
Santino leads Valiant into the factory.
INT. FACTORY - DAY
It's a large warehouse filled with stacks of Toon gags,..
boxes of dynamite, giant slingshots, boulders, everything
you've ever seen in a Roadrunner cartoon. Santino stops
where a large black safe is imbedded at a cockeyed angle in
the floor. A FORENSIC TEAM is at work around the safe.
They're chalking the outline around a body half obscured by
the safe.
LT. SANTINO
They say the rabbit got the safe idea
from a cartoon he was makin' the other
day.
VALIANT
What a gasser.
LT. SANTINO
Wait here...
Santino walks to Acme's glassed office where a sobbing
Jessica Rabbit is being interrogated. We can only see her,
not the person doing the interrogating. Valiant sidles over
to where the Forensic Guys are dusting the photographs he had
taken for prints. One of the Forensic Guys looks up from his
work.
FORENSIC #1
Say, didn't you used to be Eddie
Valiant?
Valiant ignores the slings and arrows and surveys the scene
of the crime. The door of the safe is ajar. Valiant tries
to look inside. Forensic #2 closes the door with his knee.
Now we HEAR the VOICE of Jessica Rabbit from behind them.
JESSICA RABBIT
Mr. Valiant?
Valiant turns to the voice. WHAP! Jessica slaps him hard
enough across the face to make his head turn.
JESSICA RABBIT
(continuing)
I hope you're proud of yourself.
She turns on her heel and storms off, sobbing into a
handkerchief. Valiant, rubbing his jaw, looks after her. So
do the Forensic Guys.
FORENSIC #1
She likes you, Valiant.
FORENSIC #2
(low wolf
whistle)
When they drew her, they broke the
pencil.
Now two WHITE-JACKETS from the Coroner's office start to
carry Acme out on a stretcher. As they pass Valiant, a hand
still wearing a Hand Buzzer flops out. Valiant grabs it --
stopping the stretcher.
VALIANT
Makes you wonder what in the world she
was doin' with a guy who didn't clean
his fingernails.
CLOSE - HAND
Imbedded under the fingernails is a reddish-brown substance.
FORENSIC #1
So... it's blood.
VALIANT
peels a piece of it off... it chips and falls to the ground.
He squats to examine it.
VALIANT
It's not blood, it's paint.
Suddenly the end of a cane comes down on Valiant's hand,
pinning it to the floor. Valiant follows the cane UP to it's
gavel-shaped head -- past black pants, a black robe, to a
cadaver-like complected face, and a large hooked proboscis.
The head is shaved. Rimless tinted glasses obscure the eyes.
Although he's human, the total appearance is frighteningly
vulture-like. JUDGE DOOM is accompanied by Santino.
DOOM
Is this man removing evidence from the
scene of a crime?
LT. SANTINO
(deferential)
Uh... no, Judge Doom. Valiant here was
just about to hand it over, weren't
you, Valiant?
DOOM
I'll take that.
Doom takes his cane off Eddie's hand and reaches out for the
paint chip. Valiant palms a piece and drops a smaller piece
into Doom's hand. Doom examines it.
DOOM
(continuing)
Looks like the deceased grabbed a
handful of your client's pantaloons,
Mr. Valiant.
Valiant stands to face the Judge, who towers over him.
VALIANT
He's not my client. I was workin' for
R.K. Maroon.
DOOM
Yes, we talked to Mr. Maroon. He told
us the rabbit became quite agitated
when you showed him the pictures, and
said nothing would stand in the way of
him getting his wife back. Is that
true?
VALIANT
Hey, pal, do I look like a
stenographer?
LT. SANTINO
Watch your mouth, Eddie, he's a judge.
Doom smiles thinly at Valiant, tarns and walks with purpose
towards the door. Santino and Valiant follow.
DOOM
The rabbit's movements are fairly clear
after leaving the Maroon Studios. He
ran across the street, jimmied this
door open, hoisted the safe on a block
and tackle...
EXT. ACME FACTORY
Doom leads them outside and indicates a window.
DOOM
... then stood out here waiting for his
prey. After he cold-bloodedly
accomplished his task, he went home.
He was almost apprehended there by my
men.
Doom nods his head toward a group of sinister WEASLES (a la
Disney's "Wind In The Willows"). They're loitering by a
dogcatcher's wagon with "Toontown Control" on the side,
cleaning their fingernails with switchblades and polishing
Toon revolvers.
VALIANT
Men? They look more like weasles to
me.
DOOM
Yes, I find that weasles have a special
gift for the work.
(turns back to
Valiant)
The rabbit didn't contact you by any
chance, did he?
VALIANT
Why would he contact me? I just took
some lousy pictures.
DOOM
So you wouldn't have any idea where he
might be?
VALIANT
Have you tried Walla Walla? Kokomo's
very nice this time of year.
Doom steps into Valiant's face.
DOOM
I'm surprised you aren't more
cooperative, Mr. Valiant. A human has
been murdered by a Toon. Don't you
appreciate the magnitude of that? My
goal as Judge of Toontown, has been to
rein in the insanity. To bring a
semblance of law and order to a place
where no civilized person has ever been
able to step foot.
The only way to do that is to make the
Toons respect the law.
Suddenly a "YA-HA-HOOEY" interrupts his pontification, as a
scruffy little TOON GOPHER comes hurtling over the wall from
the Toontown side. He's holding his blackened rear end...
apparently the result of a run-in with a stick of dynamite.
BONK! The Gopher hits Doom in the back of the head, sending
them both sprawling. The Gopher picks himself up and shakes
off the effects of the concusion. When he sees who he's
knocked down, he panics.
GOPHER
(petrified)
Judge Doom! Here, let me get that for
ya.
He whips a clothes brush out of his back pocket and furiously
tries to clean the Judge's cloak. Doom picks up the Gopher
by the scruff of the neck and gets to his feet.
DOOM
Why, you filthy little vagrant, you've
soiled my robe!
GOPHER
It's cleanin' up real good. Judge.
DOOM
You've defiled a symbol of justice.
As Doom carries the Gopher to the "Toontown Control" wagon,
Valiant shoots a look to Santino.
VALIANT
(aside)
Where'd this gargoyle come from anyway?
LT. SANTINO
No one knows. He bought the election
a few years back. He's been rulin'
Toontown ever since.
When Doom gets to the wagon, the Weasles open up the back.
In place of steel bars is a stream of fluid. A Weasle turns
a key and the flow of liquid stops. The Gopher starts
kicking furiously, trying to avoid the lock-up.
GOPHER
Oh, no, Judge, please, please, lemme
go. I think I hear my mother callin'
me.
Finally, the Gopher breaks free and makes a desperate dash
for the wall. Doom watches him run and calmly turns to where
his car is parked. It's a black Lincoln touring car with an
ugly bird-like hood ornament.
DOOM
Voltaire... the Gopher!
Suddenly. the hood ornament SQUAWKS to life. It's a hideous
TOON VULTURE. The Vulture flaps into flight.
Just as the Gopher is about to make it over the top of the
wall the Vulture's talons sink into his rear end and lift him
airborne. The Vulture drops the Gopher off with the Weasles.
They pin him down.
GOPHER
Hey, don't I have any rights?
DOOM
Yes, you do... to a swift and speedy
trial.
One of the Weasles retrieves a briefcase from the sedan, puts
it on the hood and snaps it open. Twelve TOON KANGAROOS pop
up, arranged in a jury box.
DOOM
(continuing)
Court is now in session.
He raps the Gopher on the head with the gavel end of his
cane.
DOOM
(continuing)
The defendant is charged with vagrancy,
assault and resisting arrest. How do
you find him?
The Kangaroo court delivers the verdict instantly. Twelve
LITTLE KANGAROOS pop up out of their Momma's pouches, holding
up small cards, each with a letter spelling Y-O-U A-R-E
G-U-I-L-T-Y.
DOOM
(continuing)
Guilty as charged. Case closed!
Doom slams the briefcase shut. He turns his attention back
to the Gopher.
DOOM
(continuing)
I hereby sentence you to the dip!
GOPHER
Oh no, not the dip! Anything but the
dip! I'm too young to die...
As the Judge pulls on a black rubber glove, the Weasles take
out a stainless steel tub WHEEZING with sadistic glee. They
fill it from a spigot on the truck.
VALIANT
What's with the dip?
LT. SANTINO
That's how he gets rid of the
troublemakers. It's a combination of
acetone, turpentine and paint remover.
He calls it the... Final Solution.
THE GOPHER
is wriggling and SCREAMING bloody murder as Doom lifts him up
and holds him over the tub. Then, as he's lowered into the
solution, he starts to disappear. His pathetic SCREAMS are
snuffed MID-YELP.
GOPHER
Help! Help! He...
The Gopher's gone. All that's left of him is a paint slick
on the surface of the liquid.
VALIANT
Jesus.
Doom pulls off the black rubber gloves finger by finger and
hands them to a Weasle. He turns to Valiant.
DOOM
They're not kid gloves, Mr. Valiant.
but that's how we handle things in
Toontown. I would think you'd
appreciate that.
He gets into his car, he pauses and looks back at Valiant.
DOOM
(continuing)
After all, didn't a Toon kill your
brother?
INT. TERMINAL BAR - DAY
Dolores is behind the bar cutting lemon peels and preparing
for the day's bartending. There's one early customer, a
grey-haired TROLLEYMAN in his Red Car uniform. His hat's on
the stool next to him and he's already drunk. The door
opens. It's Valiant. He walks over to the bar, reaches for
a bottle and a shot glass and helps himself. Dolores picks
up a copy of the morning paper.
DOLORES
Hey, Eddie, looks like you really
stepped in it this time.
VALIANT
What are you complaining about? Here's
your fifty bucks.
Valiant slides the check across the bar.
TROLLEYMAN
(mumbling to
himself)
Thirty-five years and all I got to show
for it is a ticket punch.
VALIANT
What's with Earl?
DOLORES
A new outfit bought the Red Car. Some
big company called Cloverleaf
Industries.
VALIANT
No kiddin'? Bought the Red Cars, huh?
DOLORES
Bastards put him on notice.
Valiant picks up his glass. lifts it in toast to the
Trolleyman.
VALIANT
Here's to the pencil pushers. May they
all get lead poisoning.
Now the Trolleyman unsteadily climbs up on his stool to get
close to the Holy Grail... the Red Car route map over the
bar.
TROLLEYMAN
(wistfully)
The old Number Six Line... who'da
thought they'd close that one down?
DOLORES
Eddie, get him down from there. He's
gonna break his neck.
Eddie grabs Earl around the legs and throws him over his
shoulder like a sack of potatoes. He carries him over to a
booth and puts him down carefully, covering him with a
tablecloth.
TROLLEYMAN
Took you right to Toontown, it did.
VALIANT
I know, I know... poor S.O.B.
Valiant walks back to his drink at the bar.
DOLORES
Do you think the rabbit did it?
VALIANT
I don't wanna think. I wanna drink.
VOICE (O.S.)
Make that a round.
Valiant and Dolores look down the bar, but there's no one
there. Finally the familiar cowlick of Baby Herman rises to
the top of the bar as he clambers up a barstool.
DOLORES
We don't serve formula. Snookums.
BABY HERMAN
You serve martinis, doncha?
DOLORES
Yeah...
Baby Herman slides his baby bottle down the bar to Dolores.
BABY HERMAN
Make it dry. Baby doesn't like to be
wet.
(to Valiant)
You're Valiant, right? The name's Baby
Herman.
VALIANT
I know who you are. Kinda out of your
neighborhood, aren't you?
BABY HERMAN
Yeah, I had to go slummin'. See, a
friend of mine's bein' framed.
VALIANT
You mean the rabbit? They got him
cold.
BABY HERMAN
You don't believe that. I mean. the
guy's an idiot, a moron, a complete
fool... but he'd never kill anyone.
I know the guy.
Dolores brings Baby Herman his baby bottle cocktail.
BABY HERMAN
(continuing)
Thanks, doll.
When Dolores turns around, Baby Herman pats her on the
bottom.
DOLORES
(over her
shoulder)
Oh, a ladies man, huh?
BABY HERMAN
(sotto voce; to
Valiant)
My problem is I got a fifty-year-old
lust and a three-year-old dinkie.
VALIANT
My problem is I come here to drink in
peace. So if you don't mind...
BABY HERMAN
C'mon, Valiant, doesn't this whole
thing smell a bit funny to you? I
mean, no offense, but how did a
mucky-muck like R.K. Maroon find you in
the first place?
DOLORES
(chiming in)
Yeah, Eddie, it's not like you got an
ad in the Yellow Pages.
VALIANT
Thanks for the vote of confidence.
BABY HERMAN
And another thing, the paper said no
will was found. But every Toon knows
Acme had a will and, in it he promised
to leave Toontown to the Toons.
VALIANT
So where is it then?
BABY HERMAN
Somebody took it from him. That's what
this whole thing's about.
DOLORES
The papers said the safe door was
opened, Eddie.
VALIANT
Stick to stuffin' the olives, willya,
Dolores?
BABY HERMAN
My hunch is it was Maroon. He always
was after Acme's property.
VALIANT
Yeah? Does he wear pants this color?
Valiant takes the paint chip out of his pocket and dangles it
in front of Baby Herman.
BABY HERMAN
No. But neither does Roger. That's
Diablo Red. Roger's pants are Sunrise
Orange.
DOLORES
Well, I'll be...
BABY HERMAN
So what's your next move, Valiant?
VALIANT
My next move? That's easy. I'm
gettin' up, and I'm walkin' out the
door, and I'm goin' home to bed.
Valiant stands.
DOLORES
So you're not even gonna bother to find
out if the rabbit's gettin' framed?
VALIANT
He's a Toon... who cares?
Baby Herman shakes his head sorrowfully. As Valiant heads
for the door, Dolores whaps her towel down on the bar.
DOLORES
Well, you used to care, Eddie. And it
didn t matter if a client's skin was
black, white, or painted!
Valiant ignores her and walks out the door.
INT. VALIANT'S HOUSE - DAY
Eddie comes in the door with his coat over his shoulder. He
tosses the jacket over the chair and walks to the Murphy bed.
He grabs the strap, and loosening his tie, walks away from
the wall, pulling the bed down. What he doesn't see is...
ROGER RABBIT
asleep in the bed.
VALIANT
still with his back to Roger, sits down exhaustedly on the
bed and kicks off his shoes. He lies back and pulls the
covers over him. He closes his eyes, rolls over to get
comfortable. Now he and Roger are nose-to-nose. They both
open their eyes at the same time. They freak.
VALIANT
(screams)
Aah!
ROGER RABBIT
(screams)
Aah!
They both jump out of the bed.
VALIANT
What the hell are you doin'?
ROGER RABBIT
I needed a place to hide. I'm in
trouble, Eddie.
VALIANT
So I hear. Even talkin' to you could
get me a rap for aiding and abetting.
ROGER RABBIT
Don't worry, Eddie, no one knows I'm
here.
VALIANT
Oh, yeah? Then how'd you find my
house?
ROGER RABBIT
Well, I asked the newsboy on the
corner. He didn't know. Then I asked
a janitor, the fireman and finally the
green grocer down the way. He was very
helpful.
VALIANT
In other words, the whole goddamn world
knows you're here! Out! Get out!
Eddie tries to open the door, but Roger blocks it
spider-like, arms and legs extended.
ROGER RABBIT
Please, Eddie, don't put me out. I
didn't do it, I swear.
Valiant gives up trying to open the door and grabs Roger. He
pulls and he pulls. Finally Roger snaps off like a broken
rubber band. The two of them go tumbling backward. Valiant
makes a grab for Roger but he slips out of his grasp like
quicksilver.
ROGER RABBIT
(continuing)
Sure I wanted to win Jessy back, but
not that way.
Valiant lunges again. Roger dodges.
ROGER RABBIT
(continuing)
After I left you, I went to see her at
the Ink & Paint Club.
Valiant picks himself up and tries to catch his breath.
ROGER RABBIT
(continuing)
She was on stage, so I found a piece of
paper and wrote her a love letter.
Roger pulls a piece of paper out of his pocket and starts
reading.
ROGER RABBIT
(continuing)
'Dear Jessy. How do I love thee? Let
me count the ways. 1-1000, 2-1000,
3-1000...
Valiant leaps for Roger and gets bim by the throat. He rips
the paper out of Roger's hand and crumples it up and throws
it down. He opens the door, throws Roger outside and quickly
slams the door shut. He leans against it, breathing hard.
Suddenly, Roger comes through the mail slot like a limbo
dancer. Valiant, too tired to chase him, just watches him.
ROGER RABBIT
(continuing)
Hey, that wasn't very nice.
He retrieves the love letter, straightens it and puts it back
in his pocket.
ROGER RABBIT
(continuing)
It took me almost an hour to compose
that. But I decided not to leave it
anyway. I'd read it in person, that
was my plan.
Valiant crosses to the kitchen area where the dark room is
still set up. He opens the cabinet under the sink and comes
out with a bottle of Scotch. He takes a shot glass and pours
himself one.
VALIANT
Look, pal, if you're still here when I
finish this drink, I'm callin' the
police.
ROGER RABBIT
Don't do that! I'm innocent I tell ya.
The police'll just dip me. They were
waitin' for me when I got home last
night. I ran.
VALIANT
If you're so innocent, why'd you run?
ROGER RABBIT
Gee, Eddie, I'm a rabbit. We always
run.
Valiant shoots the drink down and holds up the empty glass.
VALIANT
That's it.
He crosses to the phone on the counter. He lifts the
receiver and starts to dial.
ROGER RABBIT
Well, this is the moment of truth! And
I've spoken the truth, but you won't
believe the truth. So I guess the
truth is my goose is cooked, my hash is
slung. my fait is accompli.
As Valiant finishes dialing, he idly puts the empty shot
glass down on a photograph on the counter.
ROGER RABBIT
(continuing)
Won't anything change your mind?
Valiant turns from the pleading rabbit. Now something he
sees on the counter gets his attention.
POV THROUGH SHOT GLASS
The shot glass is resting on one of the reject pictures of
Acme and Jessica. The bottom of the glass is magnifying the
back of the exuberant Marvin Acme. Sticking out of his back
pocket is a legal folder headed "Last Will and Testament".
CLOSE - VALIANT
He looks as if the truth has just hit him in the face.
VALIANT
The goddamn will.
VOICE
(on phone)
L.A.P.D.?
Valiant slowly returns the phone to the cradle,
ROGER RABBIT
You mean you believe me?
Now outside we HEAR TIRES SCREECHING to a stop. Roger runs
to the window and pulls back the drapes. His eyes bug out of
his head.
ROGER RABBIT
It's Toon Control!
Valiant comes to the window and looks out, too.
VALIANT'S POV
The Toon Control wagon has stopped in front of the house.
The Weasles pile out. One of them takes what looks like a
butterfly net out of the back. Several others grab violin
cases.
EDDIE AND ROGER
Valiant jerks Roger back behind the curtain.
VALIANT
Get away from that window.
Roger, elated, jumps into Valiant's arms.
ROGER RABBIT
You're gonna help me? How can I ever
thank you?
He plants a big wet Toon kiss on Valiant's lips.
VALIANT
For starters... don't ever kiss me.
EXT. BUNGALOW
The Weasles are filing up the walk to the front door. The
leader pounds on the front door.
WEASLE
Police...
INT. BUNGALOW
Valiant puts Roger down.
VALIANT
I'll talk to 'em. Find a place to
hide.
Roger zips to the closet door and goes inside.
VALIANT
(continuing)
Not in there. That's the first place
they'll look.
Valiant goes to the closet and opens the door. REVEAL Roger
is now dressed in Eddie's trenchcoat and hat. Playfully,
Roger snaps one of the handcuffs onto Eddie's wrist. He's
got the Other attached to one of his wrists.
ROGER RABBIT
Eddie Valiant... you're under arrest!
Just kidding...
VALIANT
You idiot. I lost the key for those
cuffs.
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! The KNOCKING is more impatient. Valiant
looks to the door.
WEASLE (O.S.)
Open up!
EXT. VALIANT'S DOOR
The Weasles open the violin cases and take out real tommy guns
and shoulder them in teams of two. Suddenly they unleash a
torrent of MACHINE GUN FIRE, making the outline of a weasle
in the door with BULLETS. The leader blows on the cut-out
and it falls in. The Weasles file through one by one.
INT. APARTMENT
The Weasles don't bother to look around. They all just start
BLASTING. Bullets fly every which way. The barrage destroys
Valiant's apartment in a matter of seconds. When the
shooting stops and the smoke clears, the Weasles look around.
The head Weasle spots blood all over the kitchen floor.
WEASLE #1
We got him.
But when he looks behind the counter, it's only a shattered
ketchup bottle.
EXT. REAR OF APARTMENT
Eddie and Roger, handcuffed together, are beating it down the
alley. Roger, being a rabbit, is beating it a lot faster.
He's kicking up dust, his legs are blur. Valiant stumbles
trying to keep up. When they round the corner, Roger slams
on the brakes, Toon style. Valiant goes skidding past him and
is jerked to a stop like a dog on a short leash.
VALIANT
Hey! What do you think you're doin'?
ROGER RABBIT
Sorry, Eddie, I forgot you're not a
Toon.
VALIANT
Don't ever forget that.
EXT. BUNGALOW - BACK WINDOW - THE WEASLES
come piling out the window. They start sniffing the ground.
Suddenly one of them freezes on point, like a dog. Another
blows a HUNTER'S HORN and they're off on the trail.
EXT. STREET - EDDIE AND ROGER
emerge from the alley. They pause momentarily to
reconnoiter. Eddie decides to go left, Roger right. When
they get to the end of the cuffs, they snap back into a pile.
Valiant gets back to his feet and hauls Roger up angrily.
VALIANT
This way, goof...
They start across the street. But Roger goes on one side of
the Street sign, Eddie the other. Roger coils around it like
a tether ball. Valiant yanks Roger off the sign and they
duck across the street just as a trolley car passes.
THE WEASLES
come bloodhounding around the corner. They search the street
for signs of the fugitive. But when they get to the trolley
tracks, they stop, bewildered.
WEASLE #1
Scent's cold.
WEASLE #2
Pssst.
He points toward the trolley car pulling into the Terminal
Station. They fall all over themselves scurrying over to the
trolley. They surround it and jump aboard, tommy-gun at the
ready.
INT. RED CAR
The CONDUCTOR raises his hands like it was a hold-up. A
couple PASSENGERS scream as the Weasles search the car. But
no Roger or Eddie. As quickly as they got on, they get off.
EXT. RED CAR
as it pulls away. The Weasles look around perplexed.
WEASLE #1
Funny... I could swear I smelled
rabbit.
ANGLE FROM ABOVE
Eddie and Roger are balanced on the trolley wire above the
Weasles' heads. As the Weasles sniff around the barn, Eddie
and Roger ease along the wire, using the wall of the Terminal
Bar to lean on.
INT. TERMINAL BAR - KITCHEN
Dolores is preparing corned beef and cabbage. The RADIO is
PLAYING "MARES EAT OATS". A NEWSCASTER breaks into the
music.
NEWSCASTER
News flash... Hollywood. Citywide
Toonhunt for Roger Rabbit, suspect in
Acme slaying. Police describe him as
short, cuddly... and psychotic.
Dolores turns just as Roger's grinning face appears in the
window.
DOLORES
(startled)
Mother Mary...
Now Eddie's face comes into view. He motions for her to open
the window.
OUTSIDE THE WINDOW
Roger and Eddie watch another trolley approach. The contact
arm sparks its way along the wire as it rolls along towards
them. Valiant watches as Dolores struggles to get the window
open.
VALIANT
Hurry, hurry...
At the last second, the window opens. Eddie jumps for the
sill, Roger dangling from the cuffs as the trolley passes.
INT. KITCHEN
Dolores helps pull Valiant through the window. Then he drags
Roger inside.
DOLORES
Jesus, Eddie, is this who I think it
is?
VALIANT
Dolores, meet Roger Rabbit.
Roger bows at the waist, takes her hand and kisses it like
Charles Boyer
ROGER RABBIT
Charmed, enchanted, pleasure's all
mined.
DOLORES
Where'd you find him?
VALIANT
The Toon Fairy left him under my
pillow.
Now Roger spots a plate of freshly shucked corn.
ROGER RABBIT
May I?
Before she can answer, he grabs an ear, presses it to his
lips and applies the typewriter method to it. When he gets
to the end of a row, we even HEAR the BING!
DOLORES
He's a riot.
VALIANT
Oh, yeah? Well, you're not handcuffed
to him.
(holds up
cuffs)
Anybody in the back room?
DOLORES
It's all yours.
We FOLLOW Dolores as she leads Valiant and Roger across the
hall. She stops at a door, unlocks it, and leads them in.
INT. BACK ROOM
It's a tiny storage room/office with an institutional metal
desk, a cot, and assorted janitorial supplies stacked around.
Dolores shuts and locks the door behind her. Valiant goes to
a metal locker and digs through some tools, coming out with a
hacksaw. He sits on the cot and starts working on the cuffs.
DOLORES
So you decided to help him after all?
VALIANT
I oughta have my head examined.
(to Roger)
Will you hold still?
Roger quiets like a child for a moment as Valiant saws
feverishly. Then Roger slips his hand out of the cuff and
holds his side while Eddie keeps sawing.
ROGER RABBIT
Does this help?
VALIANT
Yeah, that's better.
Valiant saws a couple more strokes before the realization of
what Roger's done hits him. His face darkens. Roger sees
the look and sheepishly tries to recover by sticking his hand
back in the cuff.
VALIANT
You mean to tell me you coulda taken
your hand outta that cuff at any time?
ROGER RABBIT
Well, no, not any time. Only when it
was funny.
Valiant looks at Roger like he's about to brain him. Roger
pulls his hand free again, and cowers out of range. Valiant
just rubs his forehead.
VALIANT
Are you always this funny, or only on
days when you're wanted for murder?
ROGER RABBIT
My philosophy is if you don't have a
sense of humor, you're better off dead.
VALIANT
Yeah... well you just might get your
wish.
DOLORES
Can you get him out of it, Eddie?
VALIANT
If I can find whoever wanted to kill
Acme bad enough to get this.
Valiant throws the pattycake picture down on the table.
Dolores and Roger both examine it closely.
DOLORES
Acme's will.
ROGER RABBIT
So that's what this little drama is all
about.
VALIANT
Yeah. I think Maroon plays the part of
the sound mind, your wife the sound
body.
ROGER RABBIT
I resent that innuendo! My wife is
completely innocent.
VALIANT
Your wife may be a lot of things, pal,
but innocent isn't one of them.
DOLORES
So what's the scam, Eddie?
VALIANT
Maybe Baby Herman was right. Somebody
wants Acme's property. Cack the old
man, pin it on Roger, and destroy the
will.
ROGER RABBIT
The habeus corpus is thickening.
VALIANT
Yeah. Except they screwed up. I don't
think they got the will.
ROGER RABBIT
How do you know that?
VALIANT
Well, Acme had the will in his pocket
that night at the club. It was gone in
the morning when the cops found the
body.
DOLORES
Maybe they just took it out of his
pocket.
VALIANT
Then why'd they bother to crack the
safe? You can drop a Mosler 90 from
Mount Baldy and it won't open.
ROGER RABBIT
Well, Mr. Smarty-Pants Detective, your
logic is specious. What prevented Mr.
Acme from putting the will back in the
safe before they killed him?
VALIANT
Because he's not forty feet tall. The
safe was up on the ceiling, remember?
Dolores whistles over his deductions.
DOLORES
Eddie, you still got it. Hey, tomorrow
maybe I'll go down to probate court and
see who's sniffin' around Acme's
estate?
VALIANT
Yeah, do that. I'm gonna go rattle
Maroon's cage.
Valiant finishes sawing the cuffs. He stands and throws the
cuffs aside. Valiant and Dolores go to the door. Roger
follows them eagerly.
ROGER RABBIT
What should I do? Who should I see?
Where should I go?
Valiant turns.
VALIANT
Nothin', no one, nowhere,
He slams the door.
INT. POLO LOUNGE - CLOSE - MAROON
He's in a booth in the middle of a business lunch.
MAROON
Maybe money grows on trees in Toontown,
but not at the Maroon Studio.
WIDEN THE SHOT to REVEAL that Maroon's sharing a booth with
BUGS BUNNY and his AGENT. Bugs is chewing on a carrot.
BUGS BUNNY
Look, Doc, fiduciary considerations
aside, Roger Rabbit may have been
willing to play second banana to an
ankle-biter, but I ain't.
ACROSS THE ROOM
A MAITRE D' is leading Valiant and Augie, the deaf-mute to a
table by the door.
VALIANT
This'll be fine, huh, Augie?
Augie nods his head. They sit and pick up the menus. Augie
takes one peek and looks at Valiant, alarmed. He scribbles a
note. Valiant reads it.
VALIANT
Forget about the prices, pal. If you
want the shrimp cocktail, you have a
shrimp cocktail.
(puts menu
down)
Excuse me, Augie, I've got a little
table-hopping to do.
Valiant gets up from the table and starts across the room.
AT MAROON'S BOOTH
AGENT
I think you should know, R.K., we're in
negotiations for Bugs to star in his
own series at Warner Brothers.
MAROON
Trying to scare up a bidding war
between me and Jack Warner, eh? Well,
it won't work. I'll call William
Morris and I'll have 'em put out a
rabbit call the likes of which this
town's never seen!
BUGS BUNNY
It's your dime, Doc.
MAROON
And stop callin' me Doc!
BUGS BUNNY
Eh, sure, Doc.
Now Valiant arrives, pulls up a chair from next table and
sits down.
VALIANT
Hi, Mr. Maroon. Remember me?
MAROON
Valiant? What're you doin' here?
VALIANT
I Just thought I'd drop by and show you
a photograph.
MAROON
I've already seen your photographs.
VALIANT
Yeah, but I enlarged this one. Thought
you might be interested.
Valiant takes an enlargement of the pattycake shot and puts
it on the table in front of Maroon. We can clearly see the
will sticking out of Acme's pocket.
VALIANT
Anyway... enjoy your lunch.
Valiant stands and departs. But his visit has done it's
trick. Maroon looks l'ike he's seen a ghost. We FOLLOW
Valiant across the room to his table where Augie is
blissfully attacking a shrimp cocktail.
VALIANT
How is that, Augie, pretty good?
Augie nods enthusiastically. Valiant keeps an eye on
Maroon's booth. Now he nudges Augie as Maroon excuses
himself and goes into the phone booth just outside the door.
Augie puts his shrimp fork down and picks up his pencil.
AUGIE'S POV
We see Maroon talk on the phone MOS. As his lips move,
Valiant supplies his words.
VALIANT (V.O.)
It's me. Valiant says there's a will.
I don't know what he's trying to
pull...
BACK TO SCENE
Valiant is reading of Augie's pad as Augie reads Maroon's
lips, and scribbles down what he says.
VALIANT
(reading)
Somebody's gonna have to take care of
him.
Augie looks up from his scribbling to exchange an eyebrow
raising glance with Valiant. Then he turns back to Maroon
again.
VALIANT
(reading)
The old man had it at the club that
night. That's right. Yeah, I'm sure.
I'll be there.
Augie stops writing as Maroon hangs up the phone.
VALIANT
(continuing; to
Augie)
Where?
Augie shrugs his shoulders. Disappointed, Valiant lights a
cigarette. Now Augie elbows him and gestures across at
Maroon, who's making another call. Augie starts writing
again.
VALIANT
(continuing;
reading)
Iris... cancel my appointments this
afternoon. I'll be at Forest Lawn.
Maroon hangs up the phone and comes out of the phone booth.
He hustles out of the room. Valiant stands.
VALIANT
You did great, Augie. Have another
shrimp cocktail.
Valiant drops a twenty on the table and pats Augie on the
back.
EXT. BEVERLY HILLS HOTEL
A CARHOP wheels a yellow Packard up in front. Maroon climbs
in and ROARS off. Valiant ENTERS THE FRAME. He looks after
Maroon, then calmly starts walking down the driveway.
EXT. FOREST LAWN CEMETERY - RED CAR STOP - DAY
A Red Car pulls up. Valiant climbs off. He calmly crosses
the street and ducks behind the cemetery entranceway as
Maroon's Packard ROARS through.
VALIANT
(impressed)
Love that Red Car.
As Valiant starts to walk up the hill...
CUT TO:
THE ACME FUNERAL SITE - LONG SHOT - DAY
A hearse, and a line of black limos are parked in the lane.
Nearby, Marvin Acme's funeral is in progress. Clustered
around a gravesite are the mourners... TOONS of every stripe.
There's MICKEY MOUSE comforting MINNIE. TOM AND JERRY.
HECKLE AND JECKLE. CHIP 'N DALE. Everyone from the famous
to the not so famous is in attendance. The eulogy is being
delivered in a familiar blustery Southern VOICE. It's
FOGHORN LEGHORN.
FOGHORN LEGHORN
Today we commit the body of brother
Acme to the cold, I say cold, cold
ground. We shed no tears for we know
that Marvin is going to a better place.
That high, high, I say that
high-larious place up in the sky.
Foghorn Leghorn dramatically points skyward.
TOONS
(in unison)
A-men!
NEW ANGLE - VALIANT
is leaning up against a palm tree on the hill. We have been
watching the proceedings from his POV. Now he sees Maroon's
car pull up. He moves around to the other side of the tree
as Maroon passes and starts wending his way through the
crowd.
AT THE GRAVESITE
Foghorn Leghorn nods to the funeral DIRECTOR, a pasty-faced
human in a black mourning coat. The Director starts to turn
the crank lowering the coffin into the grave.
FOGHORN LEGHORN
Give us a sign, brother Herman, that
you've arrived...
Much to the funeral Director's amazement, the crank starts
PLINKING Out the tune to "POP GOES THE WEASLE". Now the Toon
mourners pick up on it and join in.
TOONS
(singing)
Round and round the mullberry bush, The
monkey chased the weasle...
The crank and SONG start going FASTER AND FASTER.
TOONS
(continuing;
singing)
The monkey raid it all was in fun. POP!
Goes the weasle.
Suddenly half of the lid to Acme's coffin flies open and a
harlequin CLOWN BOI-YOI-YOINGS out. The funeral Director
faints dead away as the Toon SOBS turn to LAUGHTER. The
Toons turn and head away from the grave comforted by a
funeral befitting a gag king. They climb into their cars and
SCREECH off like the start of the Indy 500. One mourner is
left at the gravesite. Sitting in a chair dabbing at her
eyes with a handkerchief is Jessica Rabbit. Maroon walks up
behind her.
MAROON
So... trying to pull a fast one on me,
huh?
Jessica turns, startled. She stands and faces Maroon.
VALIANT
smiles and leans in. This is the moment he's been waiting
for. Now just as the conversation begins, it is drowned out
by the NOISE from a LAWN MOWER. Valiant turns to see a
GARDENER riding around on a small tractor cutting the grass.
Valiant tries to flag him down as he watches Maroon and
Jessica having an arguement. There's accusatory finger
pointing. In pantomime, Maroon gestures into his pocket as
if describing the position of Acme's will.
Jessica tries to leave. He grabs her arm. They're screaming
at each other but we don't hear a word. Valiant waves
frantically for the Gardener to cut the machine. But the
Gardener misconstrues it as a friendly greeting and waves
back. Valiant turns in time to see Jessica kick Maroon in
the groin and stomp off to a red Auburn Speedster. She jumps
in and speeds away as Maroon staggers back to his car. The
Gardener stops the tractor next to Valiant. He SHUTS OFF THE
ENGINE. The cemetery is completely still again.
GARDENER
Somethin' you want, mister?
VALIANT
Not anymore...
EXT. INK & PAINT CLUB - ALLEY - NIGHT
A Steinway piano truck is parked next to the stage door. TWO
husky PIANO MOVERS are rolling a baby grand up the ramp to
the stage door. They knock on the door. The Gorilla opens
it and they muscle the piano inside. After a moment, they
reemerge. We FOLLOW them back to the truck where a second
baby grand stands ready to be moved.
MOVER #1
I don't know about you, but it makes me
sick to think of these beautiful pianos
gettin' chopped into match sticks every
night by those screwy ducks.
Struggling, they push this second piano into the club.
INT. CLUB - BACKSTAGE
They roll the piano over to the wall and park it next to the
first.
MOVER #2
(shakes head)
And they call it entertainment.
As they go out the stage door, MOVE IN on the baby grand.
INSIDE THE PIANO - VALIANT
is lying prone -- using the Steinway as his own Trojan Horse.
He lifts the piano lid to climb out, but then HEARS FOOTSTEPS
approaching. He lowers the lid again. Now someone starts
testing the keys. We see the hammers strike the strings,
RUNNING UP THE SCALES until they reach the one under
Valiant's nose. The hammer whacks Valiant's nose on the
backswing and strikes the string making a terrible SOUR NOTE.
DONALD DUCK (V.O.)
(exasperated
QUACK)
Phooey! Out of tune again!
DAFFY DUCK (V.O.)
Not to worry, Donald. We can fix that
with my sledgehammer.
DONALD DUCK (V.O.)
Never mind, Daffy. I've got an axe in
my dressing room.
Valiant's eyes widen.
ANGLE ON PIANO
as the VOICES of Daffy and Donald recede, Valiant raises the
lid and quickly climbs out. He eases over to Jessica's
dressing room. As he starts to open the door, he HEARS
SCUFFLING from inside. Valiant puts his ear to the door.
More SCUFFLING. Valiant straightens, then suddenly whips the
door open and flicks on the light.
INT. DRESSING ROOM
Nobody's there. Perplexed, Valiant closes the door behind
him and checks behind the dressing screen. In the closet.
No one. He shrugs and starts to search the room. He goes to
Jessica's dressing table and rifles the drawers. In her
purse he discovers a Toon revolver. He examines it.
VALIANT
Girl's gotta protect herself.
Valiant puts the gun back in the purse and closes the drawer.
As he stands, he pauses to consider a Hurrel-like
black-and-white photo of Roger Rabbit in a silver deco frame.
He's dramatically posed with a cigarette like he was Tyrone
Power.
Valiant shakes his head and turns from the table. Something
catches his eye.
ANGLE ON FLOOR
Behind the dressing table, the corner of a piece of blue
paper peeks out. Valiant stoops down and fishes it out.
It's a cover for a legal document -- "Last Will and Testament
-- Marvin Acme".
VALIANT
stands, pleased. He opens the blue folder. But it's empty.
Valiant puts it in his inside pocket and turns to go when
suddenly an unseen hand flicks the lights off.
VALIANT
Son of a bitch...
We can't see anything in the darkness. But we hear the SOUND
of A FISTFIGHT. There's the CRASHING of lamps and furniture
breaking. Now the door opens for a second as the assailant
escapes. Light floods in the room, illuminating Valiant on
the floor with a curtain wrapped around his head. As he
struggles free the door closes. The room is dark again.
Valiant scrambles to the door. When he whips it open, REVEAL
the Gorilla framed in the doorway. Valiant is frozen. The
Gorilla flicks on the light. He smiles wickedly.
GORILLA
And here I tought we had mice.
Valiant tries to make a break for it. WHAM! The Gorilla
lays him out cold with a right cross.
BLACKOUT.
FADE IN:
VALIANT'S POV FROM FLOOR
As his vision comes INTO FOCUS, Valiant sees the Gorilla,
Jessica Rabbit, the Weasles and Judge Doom are standing over
him.
GORILLA
... I caught him rummagin' around in
here. Then I called you, Judge, on a
counta you be da one we pay juice to.
DOOM
(clears throat)
You did the right thing, Bongo.
THE WEASLES
pull a groggy Valiant upright and plop him in a chair in
front of Doom.
DOOM
Being caught breaking and entering is
not very good advertising for a
detective. What were you looking for,
Mr. Valiant?
VALIANT
Ask her...
Valiant nods toward Jessica, who stands coolly smoking a
cigarette.
JESSICA RABBIT
Last week some heavy breather wanted
one of my nylons as a souvenir. Maybe
that's what he was after?
VALIANT
Look, doll, if I wanted underwear, I
woulda broken into Frederick's of
Hollywood. I was lookin' for Marvin
Acme's will.
DOOM
Marvin Acme had no will. I should
know, the probate is in my court.
VALIANT
He had a will, all right. She took it
off Acme the night she and R.K. Maroon
knocked him off. Then she set up her
loving husband to take the fall.
JESSICA RABBIT
You, Mr. Valiant, are either drunk or
punch drunk. Probably both.
DOOM
These are bold accusations, Mr.
Valiant. I hope you have some proof?
VALIANT
I found the cover the will came in
behind the dressing table.
Valiant reaches into his pocket. But the blue envelope is
gone.
VALIANT
(continuing)
They must've taken it off me.
DOOM
They?
VALIANT
The other people who were in here
lookin' for the will. I woulda caught
'em if Cheetah here hadn't interrupted
me.
The Gorilla makes a move for Valiant. Doom stops him.
DOOM
Take it easy, Bongo. We'll handle Mr.
Valiant our own way... downtown.
VALIANT
Downtown? Fine. Get a hold of
Santino, I'd be more than glad to talk
to him.
DOOM
Oh, not that downtown. Toontown.
The mention of Toontown has a visible impact on Valiant.
VALIANT
(nervous)
You're not takin' me to downtown
Toontown?
DOOM
Indeed we are. We'll continue the
interrogation there.
VALIANT
(very agitated)
I ain't tellin' you nothin'! Get me
Santino.
DOOM
You're a very stubborn man, Mr.
Valiant. Very pig-headed. Boys, show
Mr. Valiant how we handle pig-headed
men at the Toontown station...
As the Weasles drag Valiant out of the room...
VALIANT
(screaming)
No... you bastards! Leggo of me!
EXT. STREET - NIGHT
The Toon Control Wagon streaks along with the cat SIREN
WAILING. It flashes by then slams on the brakes at the
entrance to an eerie tunnel. A sign next to the tunnel says:
"Toontown".
INT. WAGON
The Weasles look over at the bound and gagged Valiant. One
of them turns Valiant's head to look at the Toontown sign.
WEASLE #1
What're you shakin' for? Didn't you
have a good time last time you were
here?
With a wicked WHEEZE, the driver floors it.
EXT. TUNNEL
The wagon disappears into the murky darkness. PAN UP to the
night sky.
DISSOLVE TO:
THE SKY - MORNING
PAN DOWN to the tunnel. We can't see into the darkness but
we HEAR HOOTING and HOLLERING from within. GUNS going off,
FIRECRACKERS EXPLODING, WHIPS CRACKING, all accompanied by
the WHEEZING LAUGHTER of the Weasles.
WEASLE #1 (O.S.)
Soo-eey! Soo-eey!
WEASLE #2 (O.S.)
Let him go, boys. I think he's got the
message.
After a beat, Valiant comes staggering out of the tunnel.
He's got a burlap sack over his head tied around his waist.
Behind him, the Weasles emerge holding paint cans and
brushes. They watch as he trips and falls by the side of the
road. The Weasles GIGGLE victoriously and head back inside.
Valiant lies there for a moment, catching his breath. Then
he struggles to free his hands. Finally he rips the sack off
his head and sits up.
CLOSE - VALIANT
We see he's got a huge Toon pig with a goofy grin painted
over his head. Valiant pulls and tugs on it, but this is a
costume that won't come off. Valiant curses, gets to his
feet and stumbles down the road.
EXT. RED CAR STOP
Valiant gets in the back of the line of PASSENGERS boarding
the Red Car.
INT. RED CAR - VALIANT
steps aboard. The Trolleyman, who we recognize as Earl from
the Terminal bar, does a double-take when he sees the
ridiculously silly looking man/Toon.
EARL
Here's one for the books... a Toon
wearin' human clothes.
VALIANT
Earl... it's me, Valiant.
EARL
Eddie? Jesus, what happened?
VALIANT
Toon cops worked me over.
EARL
Boy, I'll say. They gave you a real
Toon-a-Roo.
VALIANT
(apprehensively)
What am I, Earl?
Earl breaks the news to Valiant soberly.
EARL
You're a pig... a happy-go-lucky pig.
VALIANT
No...
EARL
Does it hurt?
VALIANT
Not much. It's hard to talk.
EARL
Uh, Eddie, do me a favor. Could you
sit in the back so you won't cause as
much of a commotion.
Valiant tries to pull the brim of his hat down. But it's
comically small on the huge head. He makes his way down the
aisle past a veritable gauntlet of RAZZING, poking, tripping
PASSENGERS. Finally he finds an empty seat in the back as
the Red Car starts up.
A LITTLE KID
wearing a baseball cap is sitting a few seats away with his
MOTHER. The Kid looks back at Eddie and laughs. He leans
over and whispers something to his Mom.
KID
Can I, Mom?
MOMMY
Go ahead, darling. Take your bat.
The Kid takes his baseball bat and approaches Valiant
innocently.
KID
Hi, Mr. Pig. If I hit you on the head,
will you make me a cuckoo bird?
The Kid starts to take a swing with the bat.
VALIANT
Kid, if you hit me on the head, I'm
gonna throw you out this window.
The Kid's eyes widen in terror. This is not a typical Toon
response.
KID
(crying)
Mommy!
INT. VALIANT'S APARTMENT - BATHROOM - DAY
We hear the SOUND of the SHOWER. Valiant's hand reaches out
past the shower curtain and grabs for a bottle. But it's not
shampoo. It's turpentine.
VALIANT (O.S.)
Dammit!
CLOSE - TUB DRAIN
The water swirling down the drain is tinged with paint of
different colors.
CLOSE - VALIANT
He scrubs manically until the last of the pig head is gone.
He rinses off and he feels around his face. The absence of
the Toon mask seems to bring him some relief. He shuts off
the shower and slides the shower curtain back.
VALIANT'S POV - JESSICA RABBIT
is leaning up against the doorjamb, dressed as usual, in a
black cocktail dress with elbow length gloves and pearls.
JESSICA RABBIT
Hello, Mr. Valiant. I rang the
doorbell, but I guess you couldn't hear
it.
VALIANT
That's because I don't have a doorbell.
Jessica, caught in her lie, flutters her eyelids nervously.
JESSICA RABBIT
Oh... well, I... I just had to see you.
VALIANT
Okay, you've seen me. Now give me a
towel.
As she hands him a towel, she stares down at his anatomy.
JESSICA RABBIT
What's that thing?
Valiant looks down at what she's referring to.
VALIANT
Come on, lady, haven't you ever seen a
mole before?
JESSICA RABBIT
Toons aren't given imperfections.
VALIANT
No? I guess we're not counting lying,
stealing and murder.
JESSICA RABBIT
You've got the wrong idea about me.
I'a a pawn in this just like poor
Roger. Can you help me find him? I'll
pay you anything.
VALIANT
Yeah, I'll bet you would. You gotta
have the rabbit to make the scam work.
JESSICA RABBIT
No, no, no... I love my husband.
VALIANT
Oh, sure. I can just feature you
standin' outside your little hutch,
holdin' a carrot cake waitin' for hubby
to come home.
JESSICA RABBIT
Oh, please don't make fun of me, Mr,
Valiant. You don't know how hard it is
being a woman looking the way I do.
VALIANT
Yeah, well, you don't know how hard it
is bein' a man looking at a woman
looking the way you do.
JESSICA RABBIT
I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way.
VALIANT
I'm not complainin'. But give me
credit. I'm the guy who took the
pictures of you and Acme playin'
pattycake, remember?
Jessica takes a cigarette out of her purse. She lights it
and blows a cloud of Toon smoke. It forms a recreation of
what she describes.
JESSICA RABBIT
Maroon came to me. He told me he'd
fire Roger if I didn't do it. I went
along with him for Roger's sake. It
was only pattycake, after all.
Valiant waves at the smoke scene, dispelling it.
VALIANT
So altruistic.
JESSICA RABBIT
It's the truth. Why won't you believe
it?
VALIANT
Cause I don't take Acme Dumb Pills. I
don't know what you're up to, lady, but
I'm gonna nail you for the Acme murder.
JESSICA RABBIT
If I'm as bad as you think, what's
stopping me from just killing you right
now?
Valiant reaches behind him and picks up a small cup on the
sink.
VALIANT
This cup of turpentine right here. Go
for that gun in your purse and I'm
gonna let you have it.
Jessica breaks down and starts sobbing.
JESSICA RABBIT
Oh, Mr, Valiant, please... you're my
only hope.
She comes to Eddie and hugs him, burying her head in his
shoulder.
JESSICA RABBIT
I'm weak... you're strong. Can't you
find a place somewhere in your heart to
help me?
Valiant looks down at the luscious creature in his arms,
considering the request. The moment is interrupted by the
CLEARING of a VOICE.
DOLORES (O.C.)
Dabblin' in watercolors, Eddie?
Valiant, still in just a towel, sheepishly turns to face
Dolores, who's standing in the doorway.
VALIANT
Dolores...
Dolores regards Jessica with undisguised contempt.
DOLORES
Lemme guess... your cousin from Des
Moines?
Jessica straightens her dress.
JESSICA RABBIT
Perhaps I should go.
DOLORES
Must you?
JESSICA RABBIT
Goodbye, Eddie... don't hate me.
Jessica blows Eddie a TOON KISS which flies across the room,
landing on Eddie's cheek. She saunters past the smoldering
Dolores and out the door. Dolores walks to Eddie and peels
the kiss off his cheek. She crumples it up and throws it
down in the wastebasket.
DOLORES
What was that?
VALIANT
That was the rabbit's wife.
DOLORES
The rabbit's wife? Wanna tell me what
she was doin' with her arms around you?
VALIANT
Probably lookin' for a good place to
stick a knife.
DOLORES
I just stopped by to tell you that I
checked out the Acme probate.
VALIANT
Maroon, right?
DOLORES
Nope. It's that Cloverleaf outfit
again.
VALIANT
(startled)
What the hell would they want with a
gag factory?
DOLORES
Got me. But unless the will shows up
by Friday midnight, it's theirs.
As Valiant considers this new development, he cocks an ear.
In the distance, we HEAR FAINT SINGING.
VALIANT
What's that comin' from the bar?
DOLORES
(listens)
Sounds like singin'.
VALIANT
Oh, no...
As Valiant grabs his pants...
CUT TO:
INT. TERMINAL BAR - DAY
Roger's out all right. In fact, he's using the bar as a
stage for a song and dance number. The tune is extremely
familiar. In fact, it's the one that opens every Warner
Brothers cartoon... The Looney Tune Anthem. But we've never
heard words to go with it.
ROGER RAB3IT
'The merry-go-round broke down
But you don't see me frown...'
Roger grabs Augie's pad and pencil, scribbles some drawings
lightning fast.
ROGER RABBIT
(continuing)
'Things turned out fine
And now she's mine...'
Roger flips through the pad which in crude animation, shows
the story of Roger and Jessica getting back together,
culminating in them kissing in a heart. Augie's delighted.
ROGER RABBIT
(continuing)
'... Cause the merry-go-round
Went round...
Hoo-hoo, Hoo-hoo...'
Roger does backflips and acts like an escapee from the acute
ward.
THE DOOR OPENS
Eddie and Dolores enter. Valiant stops in his tracks at the
sight of Roger's performance... and the smiles on the faces
of the sourpusses.
CLOSE - ROGER
doesn't see Eddie. He moves into the next verse. He twirls
around on the post.
ROGER RABBIT
'My name is Roger Rabbit
I've got a crazy habit
I like to sing and dance and yuk...'
Roger goes to Angelo, lifts off his cap, and whacks his
toupee, making it spin like a top.
ROGER RABBIT
(continuing)
'... So brighten up and smile
You schmuck'.
All the regulars in the bar have a good laugh at that one.
Now as Roger twirls around on the post, he smashes into a bar
tray held by Eddie. Valiant carries him toward the back
room, but the irrepressable entertainer gets on his knees Al
Jolson style and blows kisses to his audience. The regulars
are HOWLING as Roger is carried out.
INT. BACK ROOM
Valiant flings Roger into the room and slams the door behind
him.
ROGER RABBIT
Hey, don't I get an encore?
VALIANT
Why, you crazy Toon... I've been out
there riskin' my neck for you. I come
back here and you're singin' and
dancin'.
ROGER RABBIT
But that's my calling, my purpose, my
raison d'etre. Toons are supposed to
make people laugh... and believe me,
those people needed a laugh.
VALIANT
And when they're done laughin' , they're
gonna call the cops. That guy Angelo
would rat on you for a nickel!
ROGER RABBIT
Angelo? He's a pal, a chum...
VALIANT
An arsonist and a kidnapper. He
just got outta prison.
ROGER RABBIT
Well... I still don't think he'd turn
me in.
VALIANT
Just because you got 'em to laugh?
ROGER RABBIT
A laugh can be a powerful thing, Eddie.
Sometimes it's the only weapon we have
in life.
VALIANT
I think I prefer the Smith and Wesson
variety.
ROGER RABBIT
I've met some cynical and miserable
humans in my time. But you, Edward
Valiant, are positively funereal!
VALIANT
Well, right now it's gonna be your
funereal.
Valiant takes his fist back to belt Roger. Roger stands
stoicly, jaw thrust forward, eyes closed.
ROGER RABBIT
Go ahead and throw that punch.
(opens one eye)
But you'd be more successful with a
punch line.
Valiant drops his fist and rubs his temples with frustration.
VALIANT
You're driving me crazy, you know that?
Let's go... you ruined this as a hiding
place.
Valiant grabs Roger by the scruff of the neck and opens the
door. But he ducks back in quickly.
VALIANT'S POW - THROUGH DOOR - JUDGE DOOM
has entered the bar. He stands FRAMED in the doorway,
Voltaire perched on his shoulder. The red light of the neon
sign flashes on his glasses making him look like he's got
burning coals for eyes. With the Weasles at the door backing
him up, the satanic Doom walks to the bar, his FOOTSTEPS
CREAKING along the wooden floor. He surveys the scene, leans
over the bar for a glass. Doom holds the glass up to the
light and looks at it disgustedly. He picks up a bottle of
scotch and carries it down to where the one-armed Soldier is
sitting. Doom stares at him, then pulls the empty sleeve out
of the amputee's pocket. He uses it to wipe the inside of
the glass.
DOOM
I'm looking for a rabbit. He was last
seen in this neighborhood.
The barflies avoid Doom's stare and shoot covered glances to
one another. But nobody says a word. Doom pours a drink
into his newly cleaned glass... then gently pours it down
Voltaire's gullet.
DOOM
(continuing)
You couldn't miss him. Buck teeth.
Orange pants. About yea big.
Doom squashes the Midget's head down to approximate the size.
DOLORES
There's no rabbit here, so don't harass
my customers.
Doom turns to Dolores.
DOOM
I didn't come here to harass. I came
here to reward.
Doom walks around Dolores toward the back. But Doom stops
next to the blackboard. On it is written: "Today's Special
- French Dip - $ .50". Doom erases the "French" and the
decimal point in front of the "50". Then he picks up the
chalk and starts to write. The CHALK SQUEAKS excruciatingly
on the blackboard. Everyone winces but watches anyway, as
Doom writes "Rabbit" where the "French" was, and adds the
zeroes to the "50". It now reads: "Rabbit Dip - $5000".
AT THE BAR - ALL EYES
are fixed on the figure on the blackboard. Angelo licks his
lips.
ANGELO
Hey, I seen a rabbit...
Angelo looks defensively at all his cronies and back to Doom.
ANGELO
(continuing)
He's right here in the bar.
But instead of pointing to the back of the bar, he talks to
the empty barstool beside him.
ANGELO
(continuing)
Say 'ello, Harvey.
The tension is broken. Everybody at the bar starts HOWLING.
INT. BACK ROOM
Roger turns to Eddie victoriously.
ROGER RABBIT
My pal.
IN THE BAR
Doom stares down the regulars until the laughter stops.
Meanwhile, a Weasle has started sniffing around the bar where
Roger was dancing. As Doom turns to leave, the Weasle
whispers in his ear as he points to the back. Doom smiles
and pats the Weasle on the head. He turns to Angelo and the
others.
DOOM
Now we'll see who laughs best...
The Weasle bloodhounds through the bar with Doom striding
after him. We FOLLOW them to the door to the back room.
Doom rips the door open.
INT. BACK ROON
It's dark. Doom flicks on the light. REVEAL Valiant on the
cot, his pint bottle cradled in his arm. He blinks as if
awakened from a drunken slumber.
DOOM
Valiant? Why is it that whenever my
men smell a rabbit, you're there?
Valiant plumps the pillow behind his head.
VALIANT
Must be my cologne... Eau Dc Carrot.
WEASLE #1
(sniffs)
He's in here all right, boss.
Suddenly the Weasle grabs the pillow from under Valiant's
head and carves it to shreds with a switchblade. Feathers
fly. But no rabbit fur.
WEASLE #2
Youse want we should take the place
apart?
The rest of the Weasles are arrayed behind Doom with Toon
crowbars, picks, and a jackhammer.
DOOM
No, Sergeant. That won't be necessary.
Doom walks over to the locker.
DOOM
(continuing)
I know a trick that no Toon can resist.
Doom raps on the locker with his knuckles. Da-da-da-da-da...
It's a familiar pattern that demands a Da-da response. Doom
moves to the desk and tries it again. Da-da-da-da-da...
INSIDE A MAXWELL HOUSE COFFEE CAN
Roger is hiding while sweating out the urge to finish the
familiar coda. We HEAR the RAPPING again, closer.
Da-da-da-da-da... Roger's biting his nails.
DOOM
moves to the milk crate the coffee can is on. Valiant gets
up off the cot.
VALIANT
You know, Doom, I don't know who's
Toonier, you or the rabbit.
Doom just smiles and knocks the pattern out on the crate.
DOOM
Shave... and... a haircut...
Roger bursts out of the can with the lid on his head. He
responds con brio.
ROGER RABBIT
Two... bits!
(looks around)
Uh... oh...
PSSSHEW! Roger flies out the door.
INT. THE BAR
He streaks across the bar and out the front door. After a
beat, two Weasles step into the bar holding the butterfly net
they had stretched across the door. They WHEEZE with glee at
the struggling Roger trapped inside. A third Weasle carries
the Judge's briefcase.
Doom strides confidently into the bar.
WEASLE
Oyez... oyez... oyez... court is now in
session.
Valiant and Dolores are led out by a couple Weasles holding
guns on them. As Doom snaps the briefcase open on the bar,
the twelve Kangaroos pop up in their jury box. Doom raps on
the bar with his gavel-headed cane. The regulars watch the
bizarre scene in stunned silence.
DOOM
Roger Rabbit is charged with the cold
blooded murder of a human... Marvin
Acme. The jury will direct their
attention to exhibits A, B, and C.
The Weasles display photographs of Jessica and Acme playing
pattycake, a blow-up of his fingerprints spelling
RogerRabbitRogerRabbit in the whorls on the photographs, and
a picture of Acme lying under the safe.
DOOM
(continuing)
Motive, evidence, modus operandi. How
do you find the defendant?
Once again the Kangaroo court wastes no time delivering the
verdict. The Baby Kangaroos pop up with their Y-O-U A-R-E
G-U-I-L-T-Y signs.
DOOM
(continuing)
Guilty as charged. Case closed!
Doom slams the briefcase shut. Now two Weasles wheel the
stainless steel tub filled with dip into the bar. Another
hands Doom his black rubber gloves.
DOOM
(continuing)
For this heinous crime, I sentence you
to the dip!
ROGER RABBIT
No, no. not the dip! Eddie, tell him
I didn't do it!
VALIANT
I don't think it's gonna matter.
Sorry, pal, I tried.
DOOM
Yes, and for that you're charged with
aiding and abetting. But we'll let
Santino handle that.
Doom pulls on the rubber gloves.
VALIANT
Hey, doesn't the rabbit even get a last
request?
ROGER RABBIT
A blindfold, cigarette, noseplugs?
Just kidding.
VALIANT
I think you want a drink.
(to Doom)
How about it, Judge?
DOOM
Well, why not? I'm feeling magnanimous
tonight. The successful conclusion of
this case draws the curtain on my
career as a jurist. I'm retiring to
take a new role in the private sector.
VALIANT
Yeah? Well, don't expect the Toons to
give you a gold watch.
Valiant pours a glass of whiskey filling it all the way to
the rim. He holds it out to Roger.
VALIANT
(continuing)
Here you go, kid... say hi to Casper
for me.
ROGER RABBIT
But, Eddie, you know what happens
when...
VALIANT
Drink it, jerk. All of it.
He grabs Roger's hand and forces the drink into it. Roger
shrugs his shoulders and shoots the drink down. We've seen
the reaction before. Suddenly Roger's head turns into a
STEAM WHISTLE emitting such a PIERCING BLAST that is sends
everyone into ear-grabbing agony. Glasses, bottles, mirrors,
even Doom's glasses SHATTER. Valiant uses the distraction to
punch the Weasles holding Roger. He grabs the rabbit by the
scruff of the neck. He gets as assist from Augie, who
couldn't hear the noise. Unfazed, Augie whacks a Weasle on
the head with a barstool. The Midget crawls behind Doom,
who's been momentarily blinded. The one-armed Soldier pushes
him over. Angelo is turning one Weasle's head around and
around like a cruller. Finally, Doom gets to his feet.
DOOM
After them you fools...
As the Weasles regroup, Valiant tips the stainless steel tub
over sending the dip spilling toward them. The Weasles
recoil from the liquid. Even Doom takes a step backward.
EXT. TERMINAL BAR
Eddie and Roger race down the stairs and toward the Toon
Control Wagon which is parked in front of Doom's Lincoln,
ROGER RABBIT
Oh, Eddie, that was quick thinkin'.
Nothin' like usin' the old noggin, the
noodle, the grey matter...
VALIANT
If I'm so smart, how come I'm runnin'
from the law with a Toon?
Valiant opens the door of the Toon Control wagon, and flings
Roger inside roughly.
INT. CAB
Eddie goes to start the vehicle but the key is gone. Now
from behind them comes a DEEP RUMBLING VOICE somewhere
between Lord Buckley and Barry White.
VOICE
Excuse me, gentlemen...
Eddie and Roger turn. A snazzy TOON ROADSTER whose grill
functions as it's mouth is talking from behind the liquid
bars.
ROADSTER
If you effect my extrication, I
could offer you some carburetion.
Valiant sighs with resignation and slides out of the cab,
Roger in tow.
EXT. REAR OF WAGON
Eddie and Roger come racing around the side of the wagon.
Valiant searches the back of the truck for the on/off switch.
He finds it and turns off the flow of acetone. The Roadster
zips out of the truck and lands on the pavement, already
flexing and limbering. Behind him, a comical number of other
TOON DETAINEES hop out like midgets out of a Volkswagon.
They all head for the hills.
ROADSTER
Well... what're we waitin' for, the
William Tell Overture?
ANGLE ON TERMINAL BAR - THE WEASLES
come piling out. They stack up like an Indian totem pole
searching every direction. One of them spots Eddie and
Roger. The Weasles stumble all over themselves in a mad
scramble down the stairs.
EDDIE AND ROGER
hop into the sleek two-seater. Valiant looks at the myriad
of goofy cartoon gauges and switches on the Roadster's
dashboard.
VALIANT
What do I do?
ROADSTER
You don't have to do nothin'...
With a ferocious RUBBER BURNING SQUEAL, the Roadster ROARS
off in "no frames". The exit is so fast that Eddie and Roger
are left behind, hanging mid-air. But before they hit the
ground, the Roadster zips back INTO FRAME. Eddie and Roger
fall back into their seats. The Roadster bends around so his
grill is facing them.
ROADSTER
(continuing)
Uh... except hang onto your hat.
The Roadster ROARS off again in a cloud of Toon dust.
INT. SANTINO'S COP CAR
coming the other way. It's followed by another squad car,
both with SIRENS BLARING. When the red blur streaks by, Lt.
Santino turns to his PARTNER.
LT. SANTINO
What the hell was that?
PARTNER
Speeding rabbit, Lieutenant.
LT. SANTINO
That's what I was afraid of.
EXT. STREET
Santino's car does a 180 degree spin, and goes after the
Roadster. The second squad car follows. The Weasles pile
into the Toon Control wagon and join the chase.
INT. THE ROADSTER
rockets down the street, then takes a turn so wide that it
drives up the front of the corner building, then back down on
the sidewalk, just avoiding a newsstand. The squad car
following is not so dexterous. It CRASHES into the stand,
sending newspapers flying.
THE ROADSTER
looks back over it's shoulder, admiring his handiwork.
ROADSTER
Read all about it, Benny's back in
town!
Up ahead, an egg delivery truck is double-parked in their
lane. Benny snaps around just as they're about to crash into
the back of the truck. There's nowhere to go. But Benny's
cool.
ROADSTER
Going up...
Suddenly, just before impact, the Toon suspension on the car
accordions up, giving it a clearance of about fifteen feet...
just enough to get over the truck.
THE TOON CONTROL WAGON
doesn't come with this unique feature. It tries to avoid the
truck but SMASHES into the back, splattering hundreds of eggs
and sending the Weasles flying.
EDDIE AND ROGER
look down from their suspended position at the chaos behind.
ROADSTER
Next floor, sundries, knick knacks,
escaped convicts. Watch your step.
The Roadster accordions back down to it's original height and
speeds past TWO MOTORCYCLE COPS. The motorcycles ROAR after
them.
ROGER RABBIT
Hey, Benny, what were you in for?
ROADSTER
Reckless driving. Do you believe that?
VALIANT
Hard to imagine.
Benny zig-zags through traffic, scooting between cars, but
the Motorcycle Cops manage to stay on his tail. Up ahead,
traffic is stopped in his lane. With nowhere to go, Benny
passes a trolley car moving down the center of the street.
Suddenly, he swerves in front of the trolley to elude the
Cops... only to see another Red Car coming the other way.
ROADSTER
Hold your breath, babies...
Benny sucks in his girth and gets on his tip-toes as the
trollies pass on either side of them.
WIDE SHOT
When the trollies clear, Benny staggers out from between them
still on tip-toes. Benny plops down, squashes, then pops up
to his old self again.
BEHIND THEM
The crippled Toon Control wagon is struggling to keep up.
Voltaire circles above the truck and picks two Weasles up off
the roof. They're each carrying several sticks of dynamite.
FROM THE AIR
We see Voltaire flying after the Roadster, which is speeding
along the palm-lined Elysian Park Drive. The Weasles light
the dynamite sticks and with WHEEZING delight, bombard the
car below.
BENNY
swerves right and left dodging the EXPLOSIONS. Now a stick
of dynamite falls into the back seat, fuse burning. Benny
looks back.
ROADSTER
Hate to sound like Chicken Little, but
is the sky falling or what?
Eddie and Roger turn to see the dynamite, fuse burning low.
Valiant makes a desperate grab for it. But it rolls under
the front seat. Roger jumps in Eddie's lap.
ABOVE - VOLTAIRE AND THE WEASLES
satisfied that they've hit their target, swoop back to the
Toon Control wagon.
IN THE ROADSTER
Valiant tries to untangle himself from Roger.
VALIANT
Grab it, you idiot!
Finally, at the last second, Roger reaches down and picks the
dynamite up like a hot potato. He flips it out of the
Roadster.
THE DYNAMITE
spins through the air, finally landing on the roof just as
Voltaire and the Weasles arrive. BOOM! The Toon Control
wagon is demolished. When the smoke clears we see the
Weasles and Voltaire scattered roadside, faces blackened,
feathers smoking.
EXT. ECHO PARK STREET
Benny is leading a merry chase up and down the hills. Beside
the two Motorcycles, there are half a dozen squad cars. But
as Benny comes over the last rise, we see the road deadends
at Echo Park Lake. The police have blocked off the
perpendicular streets with squad cars. Eddie and Roger see
the deadend fast approaching. Roger covers his eyes with his
ears. Valiant braces himself.
VALIANT
The brakes! The brakes!
Benny hits the brakes. Smoke pours out as they burn up and
the momentum is barely broken.
ROADSTER
Forget the brakes, who brought the
water wings?
The Roadster SMASHES through the wooden guard rail and sails
out over the water. KERPLOP! It splashes down in the lake.
THE POLICE CARS
SCREECH to a stop at the edge of the lake. Santino jumps out
and regards the floating Roadster. He turns to the other
cops with a smirk. When he turns back again, the smirk
disappears from his face.
ANGLE ON LAKE
Benny is calmly swimming away using his fenders to do the
crawl. Now they pass a spooning COUPLE in a rowboat. The
couple regard them open-mouthed.
THE EDGE OF THE LAKE
Benny nears the shoreline, touches bottom and wades out.
When they hit dry land, Benny shakes off like a dog. He REVS
HIS ENGINE.
ROADSTER
Maybe it's my imagination, but I always
seem to run better after I've had a
wash.
(turns)
Now where can I drop you cats?
As Benny ROARS off...
CUT TO:
EXT. ALLEY - DAY
Benny peeks around the corner, then tip-toes into view. down
the alley until he stops in front of a back door. Eddie and
Roger climb out.
VALIANT
Thanks, Benny.
ROADSTER
If you ever need me, just stick out
your thumb.
WHOOSH! Benny is gone. Valiant goes to the door and unlocks
it. As he and Roger head up the back stairs...
CUT TO:
INT. BUILDING - CLOSE - DOORWAY
A hand painted design on the rippled glass shows a knight on
a white charger. On the shield in bold letters it says,
"Veritas". And lettered around it -- "Valiant and Valiant -
Private Investigation".
VALIANT
sticks his key in the door and unlocks it. Roger studies the
banner.
ROGER RABBIT
Valiant and Valiant? Who's the other
Valiant?
VALIANT
My brother. Get inside.
He pushes Roger into the office.
INT. OFFICE
It's a typical detective office -- a couch, a sink, a window
-- except for the partner's desk in the middle of the room.
There's a chair on each side. Valiant closes the door and
locks it.
ROGER RABBIT
So what's our plan, our scenario, our
modus operandi?
VALIANT
We can't do anything till it's dark.
Valiant picks up some yellowed newspapers off the couch and
dumps them on the floor. They leave a clean spot on the
couch.
ROGER RABBIT
Guess you haven't been here in a while.
(reads
headline)
'Japs Bomb Pearl Harbor'.
Roger walks over to the wall. He takes a framed picture off
the wall which shows two guys clowning with Mickey Mouse.
ROGER RABBIT
Say, who's this guy laughin'?
VALIANT
Me.
ROGER RABBIT
Gee, I didn't recognize you... I've
never seen you laugh before. That your
brother makin' the rabbit ears?
VALIANT
What is this, Twenty Questions?
Valiant grabs the picture from Roger and re-hangs it.
VALIANT
(continuing)
I'm gonna get some sleep. I suggest
you do the same.
Valiant stretches out on the couch. Roger nudges him to move
over so he can lie down. Grudgingly, Valiant slides over a
fraction giving Roger a tiny piece of the couch. They lie
head to foot.
CLOSEUP - VALIANT
The problems of the day are knitting his brow. Finally his
eyes close. After a beat, we HEAR Roger SNORING. It's LOUD.
Valiant's eyes pop open. He rolls over. WIDEN THE SHOT to
see what he sees.
ABOVE ROGER'S HEAD - A TOON DREAM BUBBLE
has appeared. Inside the bubble is a saw sawing back and
forth through a log. It is SYNCHRONIZED to the SOUND of
Roger's SNORE. Valiant kicks Roger, trying to stop the
infernal SOUND.
Roger sits up.
ROGER RABBIT
Huh?
In the dream bubble, the saw cuts through the log. One end
of the log falls out of the bubble and BONKS Roger on the
head, knocking him unconscious. Valiant shakes his head and
closes his eyes again. We PAN UP off his face and PAST the
window where the sun is setting. As the CAMERA MOVES ALONG
THE WALL, we see a gallery of framed newspaper clippings.
"Valiant and Valiant Crack Popeye Kidnapping - Return Sweepea
to Loving Arms of Parents". And... "Brothers Find Brothers:
Heckle and Jeckle Rescued From Redwood Forest!" And...
"Goofy Cleared of Atomic Spying Charges". The PAN CONTINUES
until we get to the window again. Now it's dark outside.
MOVE DOWN to Valiant's sleeping face. He stirs. then opens
one eye. Now they both pop open at what he sees.
VALIANT'S POV
Roger has a magnifying glass an inch in front of his face
that distorts his grinning face hideously.
VALIANT
startled from his sleep, reflexively shoves Roger away from
him. He flies into a swivel chair and goes spinning around.
VALIANT
You damn Toon! No wonder they picked
you for the patsy. Always gotta play
the fool. You make me sick!
ROGER RABBIT
Gee, you shamuses are a tough audience,
but what happened to you that was so
dark, lurid, embittering?
VALIANT
You wanna know? Well, since you're so
goddamn curious, I'll tell ya. One of
you Toons killed my brother.
ROGER RABBIT
A Toon? Noooo.
VALIANT
Yeah, a Toon. It was the guy who
killed Bambi's mother.
ROGER RABBIT
Him? Oh, he was vile, heinous,
despicable... a smear on the drafting
board.
VALIANT
Yeah, everybody thought so. But me and
Teddy got a kick out of Toons. All
Toons. We couldn't see the bad in 'em.
And when this guy was accused of
knockin' over the First National Bank
of Toontown, we took his case. But
when we looked into it, we found out he
did do it after all. We went to his
house to take him in. But he was wise.
He got the drop on us... literally.
ROGER RABBIT
(wincing)
Safe?
VALIANT
Piano. Guy got away, disappeared into
Toontown. Nobody ever saw him again.
Now the PHONE on the desk RINGS. Roger makes a move to it.
ROGER RABBIT
I'll get it.
VALIANT
Get away from there.
The PHONE RINGS TWO MORE TIMES and stops.
ROGER RABBIT
Wrong number?
VALIANT
No, it's not.
Valiant goes to the phone anticipating a RING which comes
after a moment. Valiant picks up the receiver.
VALIANT
(continuing)
Dolores?
INTERCUT:
DOLORES
on the phone in the Terminal Bar.
DOLORES
I was hopin' you'd be there. Maroon's
called here about four times. He says
he's gotta talk to you tonight. He
says he can help you.
VALIANT
I'll bet.
DOLORES
Are you gonna call him, Eddie?
VALIANT
What've I got to lose? You okay,
Dolores?
DOLORES
Yeah... they closed me down for a
coupla weeks.
VALIANT
That'll work out just fine. When this
thing is over, I'll take you to
Catalina. How does that sound?
DOLORES
Familiar. Be careful, Eddie.
Dolores hangs up the phone.
INTERCUT TO:
VALIANT
He CLICKS the switchhook and dials.
VALIANT
Maroon? Whaddaya want?
MAROON
(on phone)
Have you got the will?
VALIANT
Maybe. Why?
MAROON
(on phone)
Meet me at my studio at nine o'clock.
If you've got the will maybe we can
stop this thing.
VALIANT
Stop what?
CLICK. Maroon has hung up. Valiant hangs up the phone and
goes to a wall safe. He spins the combination.
ROGER RABBIT
Gee, Eddie, you're not gonna go, are
ya? Maroon'll be layin' for ya at nine
o'clock.
VALIANT
That's why I'll be there at 8:45.
ROGER RABBIT
I tell you what, maybe I better come
with you.
VALIANT
Forget it.
Valiant reaches into the safe for a .38 revolver. He checks
the cylinder. Then he takes out a wooden box about 8" X 12".
He closes the safe, picks up a black doctor's bag and puts
the box and the revolver into it.
ROGER RABBIT
You know, Eddie, I'm not as much of a
chump, and a patsy, a yokel as you
think.
VALIANT
How much is a shave and a haircut,
Roger?
ROGER RABBIT
(sheepish)
Two bits.
VALIANT
I rest my case.
Valiant goes to the door, pauses.
VALIANT
(continuing)
If I don't make it back here by ten...
ROGER RABBIT
Yeah?
VALIANT
... I'd head for Cucamonga.
Valiant closes the door, leaving Roger alone. Roger paces
back and forth manically.
ROGER RABBIT
Cucamonga? I don't know anybody in
Cucamonga.
EXT. MAROON STUDIO - NIGHT
The lot is dark and deserted. Now headlights cut through the
darkness as Maroon's Packard pulls up in front of the
Administration building.
INT. CAR - MAROON
reaches over and opens the glove compartment. He takes out a
small automatic. But his hands are so slippery with
perspiration, it falls to the floor. Cursing, he takes out
a handkerchief, wipes his hands and his face and picks up the
gun again. As he gets out of the car, we see the clock says
8:55.
INT. ADMINISTRATION BUILDING - NIGHT
Maroon hustles up to his office door. He looks nervously
over his shoulder, then goes inside.
INT. MAROON'S OFFICE
Maroon switches on the lights. He goes to his desk. He
takes out the gun and puts it in the left hand drawer. Then
he takes it out and puts it in the right hand drawer. Then
back to the original drawer. Finally satisfied, he goes to
the bar to calm his obviously shattered nerves. As his
shakey hand starts to pour from the decanter, another hand
comes INTO FRAME.
VALIANT
Steady, R.K., that stuff's eighteen
years old.
Maroon jumps back as Valiant steps from behind the curtain,
holding his black bag.
MAROON
Valiant! You surprised me.
VALIANT
That was the idea.
Valiant takes over the pouring duties. He turns and carries
Maroon's drink to him. Maroon goes and sits down in his
chair. He looks to the pistol hiding place. Valiant
casually sits on the desk, putting his legs over the drawer.
VALIANT
You're not too good at this, are you,
R.K.?
MAROON
No... I'm not. I'm a cartoon maker,
not a murderer.
VALIANT
Well, everybody needs a hobby.
MAROON
No, you gotta understand, Valiant, I
had nothin' to do with Acme gettin'
killed. I just wanted to sell my
studio. But they wouldn't buy my
property unless Acme would sell his.
And he wouldn't. So I was gonna
blackmail Acme with pictures of him and
the rabbit's wife.
Maroon gets up from his chair, highly agitated.
MAROON
(continuing)
But then it all went to hell. I been
around Toons all my life. I can't sit
around and see them all destroyed.
Maroon eyes Valiant's black bag.
MAROON
(continuing)
You got the will in there, don't ya?
VALIANT
No, I don't.
MAROON
You tricked me, damn you!
VALIANT
Take it easy.
MAROON
There's no time to take it easy! You
don't realize the diabolical mind we're
dealing with!
ANGLE ON WINDOW
A gun pokes through the open window past the curtain. It's a
Colt .45 Buntline -- an unmistakeable gun with an extra long
barrel.
MAROON
If I don't get that will by midnight
tonight, Toontown's just gonna be land
for the free...
VALIANT
sees a reflection of the gun on the glass on a movie poster
on the wall. He turns. But it's too late. BANG! BANG!
BANG! Maroon crumples, caught mid-sentence. Valiant dives
behind the desk and draws his gun. He looks over at Maroon's
dead body on the floor.
VALIANT
And the home of the brave?
Valiant crawls to the window where the shots came from. He
looks out.
VALIANT'S POV
The comely silhouette of Jessica Rabbit runs to her car,
jumps in and ROARS out the the studio gates.
VALIANT
grabs his black bag, climbs out of the office window and
jumps off the fire escape to the lot below.
EXT. STUDIO LOT
Valiant hops into Maroon's Packard. He hits the starter
button and takes off after Jessica.
NEW ANGLE
as the car pulls away, the trunk lid lifts. Roger Rabbit
peers out, disoriented. Then closes it.
EXT. STREET - NIGHT
Jessica's car speeds along. Valiant is in close pursuit in
the Packard. He's about to catch up on the straightaway when
Jessica's car disappears into a tunnel.
VALIANT
slams on his brakes. The Packard goes fishtailing, finally
spinning to a stop at the foot of the "Toontown" sign.
Valiant gets out of the car. He looks down the tunnel. He's
sweating. He loosens his necktie. He paces back and forth
at the tunnel mouth. He looks up at the Toontown sign and
suddenly smashes it with his fist. It spins around like a
weathervane.
Valiant walks to the Packard with purpose. He grabs the
black bag and puts it on the hood. He opens it and takes out
the wooden box.
CLOSE - BOX
as the clasp is popped and the box opened, REVEAL a stunning
presentation model TOON .38 resting on crushed velvet. It's
everything a real gun could be... and more. Each feature is
exaggerated... the barrel, the cylinder, the ivory grips are
all Toon-sized.
VALIANT
picks the gun up and hefts it respectfully. Then he opens an
ammo section in the wooden box. SIX TOON .38 DUM-DUM BULLETS
are in velvet creases. The Toon Bullets blink to life as if
awakening from a long sleep.
DUM-DUM #l
(rubbing eyes)
Eddie... is that really you?
VALIANT
Uh-huh.
DUM-DUM #2
What year is it?
VALIANT
'46.
DUM-DUM #3
Who won the war?
DUM-DUM #4
Who do you think, dummy?
DUM-DUM #5
Welcome back, Eddie.
DUM-DUM #6
Where you been the last five years?
VALIANT
Drunk.
He opens the cylinder.
VALIANT
(continuing)
Feelin' frisky tonight, boys?
DUM-DUMS
Yeah!
The Bullets eagerly dive into their respective chambers. He
snaps the cylinder closed, reaches into his shoulder holster
and takes out the pint bottle. He unscrews the cap and pours
the rest of the booze onto the ground. When it's drained, he
flings the bottle in the air and FIRES the Toon .38. KA-POW!
It makes a SOUND like a CANNON.
THE TOON BULLET
climbs like a rocket into the dark sky. It SCREECHES up to
the bottle, puts on the brakes. The Bullet puts on a
jeweler's eyepiece, then it whips out a little hammer and
chisel acd delivers one delicate tap.
VALIANT
watches as a cut glass chandelier falls out of the sky and
CRASHES at his feet. Valiant holsters his weapon and climbs
into the Packard. He puts it in gear and pulls into the
tunnel.
IN THE TUNNEL - DRIVING
As Valiant heads toward the proverbial light at the end of
the tunnel, suddenly the CAR RADIO COMES ON.
RADIO ANNOUNCER
... From the tippy tip top of
Toontown's Tip Top Club, this is Mellow
Melody Matinee. Here's our favorite
cricket, Jimmy, with 'Give A Little
Whistle'.
JIMINY CRICKET
(on radio)
'When you get in trouble, and you don't
know right from wrong...'
Valiant turns the on/off switch, then punches all the buttons
but to no avail. The SONG PLAYS ON anyway.
JIMINY CRICKET
(continuing)
'... Give a little whistle
Give a little whistle...'
VALIANT
I hate Toontown...
As Jimmy croons on, Valiant emerges from the tunnel.
VALIANT'S FOV
Through the windshield we see we have arrived in Toontown,
where it's a beautiful sunny day. Eddie is now driving down
a phantasmagorical boulevard in a completely animated world.
It's a Max Fleischer version of a city neighborhood. The
trees and buildings are swaying in time with the MUSIC.
Eddie looks to his left and sees a huge Aphrodite-like hood
ornament on the front of a TOON CAR. Then as the car starts
to pass him he sees hood... hood... hood... more hood then a
CHAUFFEUR, then more car, and finally the Wolf we remember
from the Ink & Paint Club. He's in top hat and tails, a TOON
LAMB in the passenger seat. He tips his hat.
WOLF
Helloooo, cousin.
Now he drives past a Toon building under construction. Like
everything else in Toontown. the construction company sports
the name "Acme". The sign out frontsays: WATCH OUR
PROGRESS. Eddie looks up, and before he can drive by, the
building gets built floor by floor with accompanying SFX in
about two seconds.
Up ahead, the street is clear for blocks. Then suddenly cars
pour out of all side streets at once, clogging the boulevard
like arteriosclerosis. There is mad HONKING in this cartoon
traffic jam. Eddie shakes his head. He pulls over, parks
and gets out.
Valiant pulls out his Toon .38. Suddenly, the street empties
in the blink of an eye. Shutters close, and the sidewalk
rolls up like window shades. It's so quiet you could hear a
pin drop. In fact, a PIN DROPS from a second story window,
landing with the CLANG! of a manhole cover. All is quiet
again. Valiant starts across the street -- there is a CREAK
behind him. Valiant whirls around, levelling his pistol at
the sound.
ANGLE ON PACKARD - ROGER
peeks out of the trunk of Maroon's car.
ROGER RABBIT
Don't shoot, Eddie. It's me.
Valiant lowers the gun as Roger emerges.
VALIANT
What the hell are you doin' in there?
ROGER RABBIT
I followed you to the Maroon Studios.
When I heard those shots, I thought I'd
help you and investigate the inside of
this trunk.
Valiant reaches into the black bag in the car. He comes out
with a pair of TOON HANDCUFFS. He slaps one on Roger's
wrist.
ROGER RA13BIT
(continuing)
Hey, what're you doin'?
Valiant drags Roger to the steering wheel.
VALIANT
I'm making sure you don't help me
anymore.
He locks the cuff to it, and heads across the street.
AROUND THE CORNER - VALIANT
stops at a street sign. The post is bristling with fingers
pointing in different directions; i.e., Poughkeepsie,
Transylvania, Walla Walla, South Pole (the finger points down
of course), and finally a finger which says: The Dame.
Eddie follows the finger down the side street to a high rise
building.
He catches a glimpse of Jessica darting into the elevators.
Valiant hustles inside after her.
Valiant goes to the elevators, and watches the floor
indicator spinning round and Round, finally stopping with a
BING at the 125th floor. The elevator doors open and Valiant
steps on.
IN THE ELEVATOR
Valiant punches 125. Suddenly the elevator takes out with
such velocity that Valiant is thrown to the floor. After a
moment, it stops so fast that he hits the ceiling. Then
bounces back to the floor as the doors open. He picks
himself up and steps off the elevator.
He's in a foyer with four doors. Valiant opens the first and
steps inside. He disappears.
NEW ANGLE
Valiant is on the outside of the building hanging onto a
flagpole for dear life. He looks down at the street which
looks miles below. Valiant inches back along the flagpole to
the door and pulls himself to safety.
INSIDE - VALIANT
tries the next door. This time more carefully. A SPEEDING
TRAIN is coming right at him. He slams the door. He tries
the next one. A homely OLD TOON LADY is in a bathtub. She
lets out a BLOODCURDLING SCREAM. Valiant closes that door
quickly, and turns to the last. When he opens this one, we
HEAR FOREBODING MUSIC. We see...
A DARK ALLEY
Warily, Valiant walks into the alley, gun drawn. There's a
NOISE behind the garbage cans. Valiant turns as a DEAD BODY
with a knife in his back falls out of the shadows at
Valiant's feet. A SQUEAKY VOICE comes from behind Valiant.
VOICE
I guess they didn't clean up after the
last moider.
Valiant whips around to see a TOON RAT perched on a skull
picking his teeth. Valiant kicks the skull. The rat
scrambles for cover.
As Valiant continues on, we see...
JESSICA RABBIT
Steps out of the shadows behind him and aim the gun at his
back.
JESSICA RABBIT
Don't move, Valiant.
Valiant turns slowly to see Jessica's got a bead on him with
her revolver.
VALIANT
Well... I always figured I'd get it in
Toontown.
BLAM! She fires. But Valiant's still standing. We HEAR a
CRASH behind Eddie as a figure falls into some boxes from a
fire escape above.
JESSICA RABBIT
I think I got him.
Jessica runs past Valiant to the figure. He follows,
bewildered.
ANGLE ON GROUND
We can see two rabbit ears sticking out from behind a box
VALIANT
You shot Roger.
JESSICA RABBIT
That's not Roger. It's one of Doom's
men. He killed R.K. Maroon.
Jessica moves the box aside and tugs on the rabbit ears. The
rabbit head pops off. Underneath is a Weasle. In his hand
is the Colt .45 Buntline.
VALIANT
Lady, I guess I had you pegged wrong.
JESSICA RABBIT
Don't worry, you're not the first. We
better get out of here.
As they run down the alley...
CUT TO:
THE PACKARD - ROGER
is behind the wheel making ENGINE NOISES like a little kid.
He pushes all the buttons, windshield wipers, convertible
top, etcetera, until he accidentally hits the starter button.
VROOM! The Packard fires to life. Roger's startled for a
moment, but quickly regains his composure.
ROGER RABBIT
Hmmm... What would be the harm if I
took her for a spin?
He throws it into gear. The Packard bucks into the car in
front of it. Then Roger shifts again. The same process is
repeated in reverse. He SMASHES back and forth. BANG!
BANG!
ROGER RABBIT
(continuing)
Ah... the open road.
AROUND THE CORNER - EDDIE AND JESSICA
come racing down the street.
JESSICA RABBIT
It was Doom who killed Acme, you know?
VALIANT
Why didn't you tell me?
JESSICA RABBIT
I didn't know who I could trust.
VALIANT
We're even. By the way, I did find
your husband.
JESSICA RABBIT
(excited)
Where is he?
VALIANT
He's right here in the...
Valiant rounds the corner and points toward the spot where
the car used to be. But all that remains is a crumpled
bumper.
VALIANT
(continuing)
... car.
He shakes his head and looks around for signs of Roger.
INTERCUT TO:
THE PACKARD
is careening down Toon streets totally out of control.
Panicked, Roger is spinning the wheel as if it were a
motorboat. He drives in one side of Mother Goose's Shoe and
out the other, diapers all over the windshield. Unable to
see, Roger steers right off the road. The car hurtles
through space. As it starts to fall, we see it's Toon
Monument Valley. The Packard passes a promontory on which
WILE E. COYOTE is perched. As Roger passes, he waves to the
Coyote.
ROGER RABBIT
Hi, Roger Rabbit. Love your work.
INTERCUT TO:
EDDIE AND JESSICA
who are now facing a squad of TEN Toon Control Weasles. They
unleash a fusilade of bullets.
Valiant knocks Jessica to the ground. The bullets pass
harmlessly overhead going into the window of the Acme Cheese
Shop, riddling a round of cheese. The CHEESEMAKER'S hand
comes INTO FRAME changing the sign that says "Gouda" to
"Swiss".
Valiant rolls and FIRES his Toon .38 Special. The Toon
Bullet turns into a cannonball, which rolls down the street
busting up the Weasle squad like a bowling ball through ten
pins.
As Eddie pulls Jessica to her feet, two more Weasles descend
on them. They fling Toon knives, which pin Eddie to a wooden
fence. Valiant rips one hand free, and BLASTS two shots at
them.
The Toon Bullets get to the Weasles, and open their nose
cones. Two frying pans emerge and BONK the Weasles on the
head.
Jessica starts to pull the knives out, releasing Eddie.
VALIANT
How did you get onto Doom?
JESSICA RABBIT
Marvin told me. Doom was after his
land. Ne was afraid. That's why he
brought me his will.
Valiant sees a Weasle skulking at them with a tommygun.
BLAM! Valiant fires at him. The Weasle ducks back around
the corner. But Valiant's Dum-Dum SCREECHES to a stop and
goes around the corner, too. We HEAR an EXPLOSION. The
Weasle come staggering out and falls in the street.
VALIANT
So where is it?
JESSICA RABBIT
When I opened up the blue envelope, all
that was inside was a blank piece of
paper.
VALIANT
A joker to the end.
Now Weasles are coming at them from every direction. Valiant
aims the Toon .38 at a Toon tank rolling their way. But when
he pulls the trigger, the gun just CLICKS. Empty.
JESSICA RABBIT
Looks like our goose is cooked, our
hash is slung, our fait is accompli...
VALIANT
Lemme guess where you got that from.
Tell me somethin', what'd you ever see
in that guy anyway?
JESSICA RABBIT
He made me laugh.
Valiant shakes his head. Now they are completely surrounded
by Weasles. The situation looks bleak.
VALIANT
Well, do you prefer to die this way or
that way?
Valiant jerks his thumb indicating the direction behind him.
Suddenly, there's a rubber-burning SCREECH as Benny the
Roadster arrives next to Valiant's hitchhiker-posed thumb.
ROADSTER
Need a lift?
Valiant does a take.
VALIANT
Benny.
The Roadster looks back approvingly as Jessica climbs in with
Eddie.
ROADSTER
Mr. Valiant, you've made a vast
improvement in the company you keep.
Benny blasts through a couple of Weasles. They swing back
and forth like tavern doors, then topple.
He takes a hard right into the next block which is the Toon
Arctic. His tires turn into skis. He slaloms back and forth
between trees. The Weasles pursue on dogsled.
Benny grabs a striped barber's pole -- the North Pole -- and
slides down it. They land in the Toon Sahara. Benny crawls
up a large sand dune, his tongue hanging out of his radiator.
He glances back at the Weasles who are mounted on camels,
waving scimitars. When they reach the top of the sand dune,
we see they're on the precipice of a bottomless chasm.
ROADSTER
Look, the drawbridge -- we're gonna
make it.
VALIANT
I don't see any bridge.
ROADSTER
That's because you gotta draw it first.
Benny takes a pencil hanging from a post lettered "Draw
Bridge". He wets the pencil point and in a flash draws a
bridge. It's a rickety rope bridge. Using the pencil as a
balancing pole, Benny starts to tiptoe across.
The Weasles jump off t'heir camels and start filing onto the
bridge after them.
When Benny finally reaches the other side, Valiant grabs the
pencil from him and gets out of the car.
VALIANT
Hold on a second.
JESSICA RABBIT
Eddie, come on.
But Valiant stands facing the Weasles, who are charging at
him, swords raised. With a sly smile, Valiant holds up the
eraser end of the pencil. This freezes the Weasles. But as
Valiant starts to erase a rope support, the eraser breaks off
the pencil and falls down into the chasm. The Weasles WHEEZE
with relief and advance for the kill. At the last second,
Valiant takes the business end of the pencil and scribbles a
handsaw. He grabs it by the handle and saws the rope. The
bridge swings away, smacking the Weasles into the opposite
canyon wall. One by one, they slide off and disappear into
the abyss.
VALIANT
climbs back into Benny. The Roadster takes off again, making
a skidding left turn onto the main drag. As they make their
break into the Toontown tunnel...
EXT. TOONTOWN TUNNEL - L.A. SIDE - NIGHT
A ten gallon drum is sitting by the side of the road under
the Toontown sign. From in the tunnel we hear the SOUND of
Benny's ENGINE coming closer. Now a foot comes out of the
shadows and rests on the ten gallon drum. As the SOUND of
the ROADSTER gets VERY LOUD, the foot kicks the drum over,
spilling a clear liquid across the road.
NEW ANGLE - THE FOOT
belongs to Judge Doom. Doom smiles sadistically as the
Roadster with Eddie and Jessica aboard comes shooting out of
the tunnel. When Benny hits the liquid, he starts to skid.
ROADSTER
Uh-oh... whoaaa...! Look out!
His tires smoke, then disappear. It's a dip slick. Without
tires, Benny spins out of control, finally ending up in the
bushes roadside.
Before Eddie and Jessica can make a move, they are surrounded
by a horde of Weasles pointing what looks like a hundred guns
at them.
DOOM
Are you two all right?
Doom opens one of the Roadster's doors and helps Jessica out.
Valiant climbs out after her. The Weasles quickly relieve
him of his Toon pistol.
DOOM
(continuing)
These roads can be very treacherous at
night, especially in a maniacal Toon
vehicle.
VALIANT
The pot's callin' the kettle maniacal.
DOOM
I've had enough of your insolence!
(to Weasles)
Put him in my car. I think they'll
enjoy attending our ribbon cutting at
the Acme factory.
The Weasles prod Valiant and Jessica into Doom's Lincoln. A
Weasle refers to Benny WHIMPERING in the bushes.
WEASLE
What about him?
DOOM
He's not going anywhere. We'll send
the mobile unit after him.
Doom climbs into the car and it zooms off, Weasles jumping
onto the running boards.
BENNY
crawls out of the bushes on his axles.
ROADSTER
The boinin', the boinin'...
He makes it down into the drainage ditch, dipping his
tootsies one by one. There's a HISS as they hit the water
and the chemicals from the dip are extinguished.
ROADSTER
(continuing)
Oh, yeah... that's better.
Now Benny hears the SOUND of another VEHICLE COMING out of
the Toontown Tunnel. He ducks down and peeks over the ditch
to see...
ROGER IN THE PACKARD
come SCREAMING out of the tunnel backwards. Maroon's Packard
looks like the winner of a demolition derby.
Benny stands and waves to him.
ROADSTER
Roger!
Roger sees him and slams on the brakes, skidding the Packard
into the Toontown sign.
ROGER RABBIT
Benny?
Benny hobbles over to the Packard. He pops his trunk and
rummages around. He comes out with Toon boltcutters. He
clips Roger's cuffs off.
ROADSTER
Doom's got your wife and Valiant. He
took them to the Acme factory,
ROGER RABBIT
Let's go!
Benny nudges Roger to the passenger side.
ROADSTER
Slide over, son. It looks like you've
done enough drivin' for tonight.
Now the Toon Roadster gingerly gets behind the wheel of the
Packard. He hits the gas and the Packard lurches down the
road.
INT. ACME FACTORY - NIGHT
Doom's car is parked inside. There are several other
vehicles as well. There's a steamroller, a road grader, and
a huge modified tanker truck. It's mounted with a thousand
gallon vat, the contents of which are being stirred by a
motorized unit. All the vehicles are marked with a large
green four-leaf clover logo.
VALIANT AND JESSICA
are held at gunpoint by a couple of Weasles, while several
others are busy JACKHAMMERING the brick wall at the far end
of the factory. Doom pulls on his rubber gloves, turns to
the Weasles.
DOOM
Frisk them. See if they have the will.
Several Weasles rush for the opportunity to frisk Jessica.
The head Weasle slaps the others away. Then WHEEZING
laciviously, he turns to the task. He starts to move his
hands over her body when Jessica stomps her heel on his feet.
JESSICA RABBIT
Get your hands off me, you little
rodent!
The Weasle hops away angrily and quickly frisks Valiant. He
turns to Doom and shakes his head.
DOOM
No matter.
(checks watch)
I don't expect the will to show up in
the next fifteen minutes. By then
Cloverleaf will own Toontown quite
legally.
VALIANT
So you're Cloverleaf?
DOOM
No one person is Cloverleaf. We're a
vast company with diverse interests...
gasoline, tires, automobiles.
AT THE BRICK WALL
The jackhammering has stopped. A Weasle plucks one brick out
of the wall. Toon light beams through. He reaches into the
hole in the wall and comes out holding a bunch of Toon
bananas. WHEEZING wickedly, he passes them out to his
compatriots. They devour the bananas, throwing the peels
helter-skelter.
VALIANT
turns his attention from the brick wall back to Doom.
VALIANT
Come on, Doom. What would a company
like that want with Toontown?
DOOM
It wasn't Toontown they wanted. It was
my idea of how to put the land to
better use.
Doom goes to the truck and starts turning on valves and
starting compressors.
DOOM
(continuing)
In fact, they thought my concept so
brilliant, that they offered me the
Directorship of Transportation. I've
accepted.
(to Weasle)
Bring me Mr. Valiant's gun.
The Weasle trots over and delivers Valiant's Toon .38. Doom
inspects it. He reads an engraving on the frame.
DOOM
(continuing)
'Thanks for getting me out of the
hoosegow. Yosemite Sam'.
(looks up)
How sweet.
Doom throws the gun on the ground. He pushes back a long
lever on the truck, letting loose a tiny spurt of fluid from
the discharge valve. The gun disappears.
JESSICA RABBIT
Dip?
DOOM
That's right. Enough to dip Toontown
off the face of the earth.
EXT. ACME FACTORY - ROGER AND BENNY
have been watching the proceedings through a window. They
turn to each other stunned.
BENNY/ROGER RABBIT
Dip Toontown?
ROGER RABBIT
We gotta do something!
Roger scurries back to the Packard hidden outside the gates.
He opens Valiant's black bag and comes out holding Eddie's
real pistol. Benny comes tenderfooting up.
ROADSTER
Roger, what're you gonna do with that
gun?
ROGER RABBIT
I'm gonna save them, of course. You go
for help. Find Dolores at the Terminal
Bar. She'll know what to do.
ROADSTER
Well... all right...
Reluctantly, Benny gets behind the wheel of the Packard.
ROADSTER
(continuing)
But you be careful now with that gun.
This ain't no cartoon.
Benny pulls away. Roger turns with determination and zips
back to the window
INT. FACTORY
Doom pulls the tarp off the top of the truck, revealing a
modified water cannon.
JESSICA RABBIT
You're sick, Doom. Where do people
like you come from?
DOOM
Never mind where I come from. Just
watch where I'm going.
VALIANT
Don't you think anyone's gonna notice
that Toontown's gone?
DOOM
They won't care. Who's going to miss
some ridiculous talking mice when they
can have the future?
EXT. BACK OF FACTORY - ROGER
is trying to jimmy open a window using his whole body for
leverage. He finally pops the window open. Gun drawn, he
climbs over the sill. And falls head first.
INT. BATHROOM
Roger splashes into the toilet bowl in the Acme washroom. He
bobs up. He drains the water out of the pistol barrel and
peeks over the bowl. He gets a determined look in his eye.
ROGER RABBIT
It's time to make my move.
Roger starts to climb out of the toilet. He reaches for
something to grab onto. Unwittingly, he gets the toilet
chain hanging from the tank above. As he pulls himself out,
the toilet flushes. Roger has only a moment to register a
dumbfounded expression before he is sucked down the john.
IN THE FACTORY - DOOM
continues expansively.
DOOM
Right here where we're standing, will
be the cornerstone of my idea... the
cloverleaf -- an elegant cement
structure that intertwines freeways.
VALIANT
What the hell's a freeway?
DOOM
A freeway, Mr. Valiant, is eight lanes
of asphalt running uninterrupted from
L.A. to Pasadena. Pasadena to
Hollywood. Hollywood to Santa Monica.
Someday everyone will be in cars
driving happily, non-stop from one end
of the L.A. Basin to another.
VALIANT
That's what this is all about? Tell
me, who's gonna use your lousy freeway?
We got the Red Cars, the best public
transportation in the country.
DOOM
Not for long. We're retiring the Red
Cars. People will drive, Mr. Valiant,
because they'll have to. And when they
drive, they'll have to buy our cars,
our tires, our gasoline.
JESSICA RABBIT
Why'd you bother to call it a freeway?
Doom steps up into their faces. Behind him, several Weasles
are fashioning a noose.
DOOM
Has a nice ring. Too bad you two won't
be around to enjoy it.
Suddenly Roger EXPLODES out of the drainage grate in the
floor. His entrance sends the Weasles flying. Roger lands
on his feet, James Cagney-like, levelling his gun on Judge
Doom.
ROGER RABBIT
Get 'em up. All of you! Or I let the
Judge have it!
JESSICA RABBIT
Roger, darling!
ROGER RABBIT
Yes, it's me, my dearest. I'd embrace
you but first I have to take care of
some unfinished business.
DOOM
Put that gun down, you buck-toothed
fool.
ROGER RABBIT
Go ahead. Give me an excuse to fill
you full of holes, pump you full of
lead.
(over shoulder)
How'm I doin', Eddie?
VALIANT
Real good, Rog... but maybe you better
let me take over.
ROGER RABBIT
Not before I satisfy my sense of moral
outrage.
Milking the moment, he shifts the gun from one hand to
another. He circles Doom, poking and prodding him with the
gun.
ROGER RABBIT
(continuing)
You think you could get away with this?
Hah! We Toons may be idiotic, but
we're not stupid!
POV OVERHEAD
We LOOK DOWN on the proceedings from high in the rafters.
PULL BACK TO REVEAL we're watching from the POV of Voltaire,
who's perched on the top inventory rack. Voltaire cleans his
fingernails, casually.
ROGER RABBIT
Yes, justice, Judge Doom. The real
meaning of the word probably hits you
like a ton of bricks!
Voltaire calmly nudges an Acme Ton-Of-Bricks off the shelf.
CLOSE - ROGER
He never sees it coming. SMASH! The bricks land on his head
and bury him. The only thing we can see of Roger is his hand
with the gun in it.
DOOM
Well, this is turning out better than
I thought.
Doom picks the gun up. The Weasles drag Roger out from under
the bricks. Big bright stars are circling his head.
ROGER RABBIT
(delirious)
Look, stars! Ready when you are,
Raoul.
Valiant shakes his head, but Jessica starts to laugh.
JESSICA RABBIT
I have missed you, Roger.
DOOM
Tie the lovebirds together.
The Weasles twirl Toon rope around Roger and Jessica like a
cocoon. They hook them on a power winch. Then hit a button
and raise Roger and Jessica until they're suspended fifteen
feet above the floor... right in the path of the Dipmobile.
Doom hands Valiant's gun to the head Weasle.
DOOM
(continuing)
Let him watch his Toon friends get
dipped... then shoot him.
Doom turns and starts to walk away.
ANGLE ON GROUND
He steps on a Toon banana peel and goes flat on his keester.
THE WEASLES
always quick with a laugh, BREAK UP at their boss'
misfortune. The one guarding Eddie is so overcome with
LAUGHTER that he's slapping his thigh with his gun hand.
Valiant sees his opportunity. He starts to make a move
toward the distracted Weasle and almost gets his hands on the
gun when:
DOOM
Watch out, you idiot... he's going for
the gun!
The Weasle turns at the last second, sticking the barrel up
against Valiant's nose. Doom gets to his feet. He glowers
at the Weasle and knocks him on the head with the gavel head
of his cane. Doom stalks out of the room.
The Weasles scramble to positions on the Dipmobile. One
FIRES UP the ENGINE.
The streetcleaner brushes start to turn. The vehicle starts
to creep forward.
Another Weasle climbs into the turret. He puts Roger and
Jessica in the crosshairs of the cannon.
Beads of sweat break out on Valiant's face.
The Weasle, WHEEZING with evil glee, starts to press his
finger to the trigger.
ROGER RABBIT
You guys think this is real funny,
doncha?
(to Valiant)
Eddie, do somethin'!
At the last second, Eddie shouts at the Weasle.
VALIANT
Hey!
The Weasle turns to him.
VALIANT
(continuing)
Before you pull the trigger, I want you
to know somethin' about the guy you're
about to dip.
Suddenly, Eddie breaks into the "Looney Tooney Song". The
song Roger had sung in the bar. The silly voice that comes
out of his mouth surprises everybody, especially Roger.
VALIANT
(continuing;
sings)
'His name is Roger Rabbit
He's got a crazy habit...'
Valiant starts skulking across the floor. It's a cross
between Groucho Marx and a Chuck Berry Duck Walk.
VALIANT
(continuing;
sings)
'He likes to sing and dance and yuk
So brighten up and smile you
schmuck...'
Valiant starts "hoo-hooing", slapping himself in the
forehead. Now the Weasles start GIGGLING. They've never
seen a human do this before.
VALIANT
'Now my name's Eddie V
I'm looney too you'll see'
Valiant flips into a handstand and starts walking on his
hands.
VALIANT
(continuing)
'I walk with my hands
And I shake with my feet...'
He offers his foot to a Weasle who shakes it. The others
HOWL. Eddie flips upright and grabs a stick of Acme
dynamite.
VALIANT
(continuing)
'I think dynamite
Is swell to eat'.
Eddie takes a bite out of the Toon dynamite and acts like
he's savoring it. The spectacle of this human doing this is
too much to bear. Now the Weasles are rolling on the ground,
holding their sides.
JESSICA RABBIT
He's lost his mind!
ROGER RABBIT
Yeah, isn't it great? Keep it up,
Eddie... you're killing 'em, you're
slayin' 'em, you're knockin' 'em dead.
Roger means it. The Weasles are laughing so hard they're
giving themselves heart attacks. Valiant spins around on the
floor like a clock dial gone berserk.
VALIANT
Hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo...
One by one, the Weasles keel over... dead. Opaque WEASLE
SPIRITS leave their bodies with wings and harps, and float
heavenward, still laughing.
VOLTAIRE
alarmed at the scene below, grabs a brick and flaps toward
the ceiling. He throws the brick through the skylight and
flies out.
VOLTAIRE
Doom! Doom!
ON THE DIPMOBILE
The Weasle on the turret collapses onto the trigger. The
unmanned dip cannon starts spraying, as the arm sweeps
slowly back and forth like an, automatic lawn sprinkler.
VALIANT
hitches a ride on the last ascending Weasle Spirit, letting
it hoist him to the top of the truck. As he moves the Weasle
body off the trigger...
VOLTAIRE
CRASHES back through the skylight and swoops down on Eddie.
He sinks his talons into Eddie's back and lifts him into the
air.
As Valiant is being pulled skyward he reaches for something
along the wall of inventory. He grabs a handful of Acme
Small Pills and jams a couple dowm the buzzard's mouth.
Instantly, Voltaire starts to shrink. As he gets smaller, he
can no longer hold Eddie up. They both descend as Voltaire
shrinks to the size of a chick.
The sprayer is swinging back towards Roger and Jessica. At
the last second, Valiant reaches up and blocks it. It swings
back the other way.
As Valiant scrambles up on the vehicle to turn it off,
Voltaire has found a box of Acme Big Pills. He pecks into
it... and after a beat, EXPLODES out of the box. He's now
three times the size he was before. Voltaire flaps in for
the kill.
Valiant reaches the turret just in time to swing the cannon
around. The spray of dip blasts one of Voltaire's wings off.
He spins earthward like a flaming Messerschmidt, finally
landing in the dip vat and dissolving into a black pool.
Doom arrives just in time to see his pet bird dissolved.
Angrily, he steps onto a giant Acme Mousetrap. He uses a
piece of Acme cheese to spring it, catapulting him through
the air.
Just as Valiant is about to turn off the dip cannon, Doom
lands on the truck. He knocks Eddie off the turret with a
flying tackle. They both hit the floor.
Doom gets up, leaving Eddie stunned. He sprints to where the
Weasle had dropped Eddie's pistol. Finally Eddie shakes it
off. He sees Doom about to reach the gun. He straps on a
pair of Acme Rocket Skates, fires them up and shoots across
the floor. He knocks Doom into a stack of Acme boxes,
toppling the whole shelf down on top of him.
As the sprayer swings back toward Roger and Jessica, they
have their last moment together.
JESSICA RABBIT
Roger, I want you to know I love you.
I loved you more than any woman has
ever loved a rabbit.
ROGER RABBIT
Be comforted in the knowledge that as
we face the Grim Dipper, our paint will
be comingled for eternity.
They both close their eyes, waiting for the end. But it
never cames. The truck runs up on some boxes and the sprayer
arm swings back the other way.
Doom grabs an Acme slingshot, loads an Acme boulder and fires
it at Valiant. BLAM! It whacks Valiant on the head, laying
him out cold in front of the Cloverleaf steamroller,
Doom climbs into the steamroller and starts it up. He puts
it into gear and starts it rolling toward Valiant.
Valiant comes around to see the huge roller bearing down on
him. At the last second, Valiant rolls out of the way and
grabs an Acme boxing glove. It accordians out and smashes
Doom in the face. He goes flying out of the driver's seat,
turning the wheel as he falls. The steamroller starts to
turn in circles.
Valiant jumps Doom. But Doom is stronger. He throws Valiant
off and starts whacking him with his fist. He pummels
Valiant backward toward the drum of the steamroller. Valiant
grabs the nearest thing for defense. It's a can of Acme
Stay-Put Adhesive. He whips it up in front of his face.
Doom puts his fist right through it, covering his hand with
glue. He smiles at Valiant and hauls off again. Valiant
ducks. Doom's fist strikes the top of the drum of the
steamroller. Frantically he tries to pull it off. But it
"Stays-Put". The roller starts to suck his fist down and
under.
DOOM
Nooooo!
Jessica and Roger avert their eyes as the steamroller crushes
Doom.
Valiant breathes a sigh of relief. He starts for the dip
truck as the cannon swings back toward Roger and Jessica.
But neither of them are watching the cannon. Their eyes are
fixed on the ground behind the steamroller.
ANGLE ON GROUND
There isn't the messy pile of blood and guts you'd expect to
see if a human got run over. Instead, we see that Judge
Doom's remains have rolled out like a flat black pancake.
After a beat, an edge curls up with a CREAK. Now the whole
shape peels off the floor and wobbles to it's feet. REVEALING
DOOM IS A TOON.
ROGER RABBIT
Eddie, look out!
VALIANT
turns to see Doom stick his flattened thumb in his mouth. He
blows, re-inflating himself. His glasses CRACK and fall off.
Then his prosthetic eyeballs pop out. His teeth shatter and
fall out of his mouth like china. Underneath his latex mask
we can see his Toon mouth and evil red Toon eyes.
VALIANT
Holy shit, he's a Toon!
DOOM
Surprised?
VALIANT
Not really. Only a Toon could think of
something as goofy as that freeway
idea.
Doom takes the black rubber gloves off, REVEALING red hands
with long fingernails. He makes his fist into an anvil and
advances on Valiant.
DOOM
Is that so? Well, we'll see who's the
goofy one.
BLAM! From ten feet away, he smashes Valiant with a
bone-crushing punch. Valiant staggers backwards.
DOOM
(continuing)
By the way, when I killed your brother,
Teddy, I used to talk just like this.
Doom spesks in a Toony high-pitched squeak. Valiant
recognizes him now.
VALIANT
You?
DOOM
That's right, me.
BLAM! Doom hammers Valiant again. He's defenseless against
Doom's super human strength. BLAM! Valiant goes
sprawling to the ground. Now Doom's hand turns into a
buzzsaw. He goes to administer the coup de grace.
DOOM
(continuing)
Now Eddie's gonna be deady, just like
Teddy.
With his last ounce of strength, Valiant grabs the Acme
Boxing Glove. He pops it. The glove extends across the
room, punching the release lever on the dip truck.
CLOSE - VALVE
A flood of dip gushes out of the valve and rolls toward Doom
like a wave.
DOOM
SCREAMS as the torrent hits him with a CRASH. But there's no
escape for him this time. The flood of liquid envelopes him
at the ankles. He dissolves into it like a melting candle.
THE DIPMOBILE
continues forward inexorably. The arm is swinging towards
Roger and Jessica. It gets closer and closer...
Valiant tries to get to the truck, but it's too late. The
cannon has reached them.
CLOSE - ROGER AND JESSICA
They close their eyes, preparing to meet their Maker. But
nothing happens.
The spray of the cannon suddenly peters out. It dries up in
a harmless drip as the tank has completely emptied.
Valiant gets to the controls of the power winch. He hoists
Roger and Jessica up out of the way. The Dipmobile passes
harmlessly underneath them and SMASHES through the brick
wall.
TOONTOWN
is REVEALED in all its splendor. It's a bucolic setting. A
rainbow shares the blue sky with a smiling sun. Fawns and
butterflies, chipmunks and flowers watch curiously as the dip
truck rolls past. Suddenly it's lifted off the ground. We
see it's resting on the top of a TOON GIANT's head. This
Giant plucks the truck off his head, regards it, then pops it
in his mouth.
VALIANT
lowers Roger and Jessica to the ground. We HEAR POLICE
SIRENS approach. When Valiant unties them, Jessica turns and
exclaims...
JESSICA RABBIT
My hero!
Then she hugs Roger passionately. Valiant can only shrug.
THROUGH THE WALL - TOONS
start coming in. They look around at the scene, bewildered,
then gather around Doom's robe, mask and shoes lying in the
puddle of dip. There's a reddish slick floating on top.
Valiant wanders over and joins them.
VALIANT
Hi-ho, the Doom is dead.
ANGLE ON DOOR
Dolores, Lt. Santino, and several other COPS rush in, guns
drawn. Dolores runs to Eddie and puts her arms around him.
Santino looks down at the remains on the floor.
LT. SANTINO
What the hell is that?
VALIANT
Doom.
LT. SANTINO
Jesus Christ... that was the Judge?
Valiant takes the paint chip out of his pocket. He puts it
up against the red slime on the robe. It's a match.
VALIANT
That was the murderer of Herman Acme,
Maroon... and my brother.
Dolores looks down at the front of Valiant's shirt. A dark
stain is appearing.
DOLORES
Eddie, we better get you to hospital.
You're bleedin'.
Valiant looks down at the stain.
VALIANT
That's not blood. That's ink. That
goof Acme squirted me with some the
other day. Why it's comin' 'through
now, I don't know.
ROGER RABBIT
That's because it's
Disappearing-Reappearing Ink. Shows up
three days later. Gives you enough
time to get away from the victim so he
doesn't punch you in the nose. Great
gag.
VALIANT
Yeah...
DOLORES
I'll treat you to a new shirt. After
all, you did save Toontown.
JESSICA RABBIT
Problem is without Marvin's will, the
land still goes to Cloverleaf.
ROGER RABBIT
That's right. If only we knew what
happened to that will...
Valiant looks up from his shirt.
VALIANT
Say Roger, remember that love letter
you wrote your wife at the Ink & Paint
Club?
ROGER RABBIT
Yeah?
VALIANT
I think you oughta read it to her.
ROGER RABBIT
Good idea.
He reaches in his pocket, pulls out the paper and clears his
throat.
ROGER RABBIT
(continuing;
reads)
Dear Jessy... How do I love thee? Let
me count the... I, Marvin Acme, of
sound mind and body... Hey?
CLOSE - PAPER
The Disappearing-Reappearing Ink is coming up over Roger's
scribbling.
VALIANT
Keep reading...
ROGER RABBIT
(reads)
Hey, it's the will. I, Marvin Acme, of
sound mind and body, hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo,
do hereby bequeath in perpetuity the
property known as Toontown to those
loveable characters...
PAN the Toon crowd, who are listening to the reading of the
will. It is a gallery of recognizable faces. Everyone from
Mickey to Bugs, Yakky Doodle to Yosemite Sam, Dumbo to Dopey,
Bambi to Droopy, Tweety Bird to Tinkerbell. They're all
there.
ROGER RABBIT
(continuing)
... who have given me and the rest of
humanity so much mirth and merriment...
the Toons.
The Toon crowd erupts with a CHEER! Hats go in the air and
they descend on Roger, slapping his back. Roger breaks away
from the crowd and joins Eddie.
TWO SHOT - EDDIE AND ROGER
They stand side by side, looking out over Toontown.
ROGER RABBIT
Well, Eddie, you still think I'm a
patsy, a simp, a chump?
Eddie wipes the spit off his face.
VALIANT
No, kid, you're a real hero.
ROGER RABBIT
I guess I am at that. Cigar?
Roger holds out a large stogie.
VALIANT
Why not?
Roger lights Eddie's and one for himself.
VALIANT
(continuing)
By the way, Roger, you were right about
your wife. She's a good lady. I'm
glad you got her back.
ROGER RABBIT
And I'm glad you got your sense of
humor back. Think you'll keep it?
VALIANT
Only time will tell.
Valiant puffs on the cigar.
VALIANT
(continuing)
Pretty good cigar. Where'd you get it?
ROGER RABBIT
From this box here...
Valiant glances down. The box says, "Acme Exploding Cigars".
He looks to Roger, but it's too late. KABOOM! KABOOM!
Their cigars blow up in classic Toon tradition, blackening
both their faces. Roger starts laughing. Eddie stares at
Roger for a moment, then he starts laughing too. They throw
their heads back in a HOWL. The other Toons join in. Pretty
soon the whole factory is shaking with LAUGHTER.
A TOON COP
dressed in blue uniform and hat with his back to us tries to
restore order in the Acme factory. As soon as he talks, we
recognize the stutter. It's PORKY PIG.
PORKY PIG
O-k-k-k, mmmove along. There's
nnnothin' else to see. T-t-that's it.
T-t-that's all, folks.
(turns to
CAMERA)
Hmm, I l-l-like the sound of that.
Then, savoring the phrase, Porky stutters out the famous
sign-off.
PORKY PIG
(continuing)
Eee-ba-da, eee-ba-da... t-t-that's all,
folks!
CARTOON MUSIC UP.
IRIS OUT.
THE END